This was a Sawatdee Trip Report I pulled off the shelves from over two decades ago that I though might be fun to share.
Boy Special
Bridge Over the River Kwai
Pum and I had set the alarm to wake us early to make sure we were ready for the tour van to pick us up at the condo I was renting at Chateau Dale/Pattaya. I’ve never been a big fan of planned tours and always preferred just heading out myself, planning as I go, and having the flexibility to make changes along the way, but after hearing so many good things about the River Kwai Tour from friends I decided to give it a try.
Pum and I met during my previous holiday and were now shacking up together. He had just started work at Star Boys Gogo on Soi Toyota/Pattaya when we first met and became the first boy I would dub with the title of “Boy Special”. He was an absolute doll, and after just 3 nights on the gogo stage he was asked to work the front doors as a lure for customers by the manager Nueng. I always felt that if Pum ever visited California someone would have surely spotted him and landed him on a stage set in Hollywood. He was just that good looking.
Pum was tall for a Thai at 178 cm which I really liked because I’m a tall guy myself (192 cm). He had a slim build, long shoulder-length light brown hair and a pretty-boy smile that could light up a room. His mother had just married a farang from Norway a year earlier and moved from their home in Udorn Thani leaving Pum and his grandmother to fend for themselves. Pum was a fem boy - hinging on making the full transition to ladyboy which came 2 years later, with a burning desire to one day grace the stage at the world-renowned “Tiffany’s”. In 2004 this would become a reality – but that’s a story all on its own.
The tour bus pulled up right on time, and there were 5 other passengers inside taking the same tour. They were all family members visiting from Germany who looked like they were freaking out when they saw Pum and I holding hands at curbside. They appeared like poster children for one of Hitler’s Adriane Race Posters with blond hair & blue eyes, dead serious stares, and perfect postures. I looked at Pum and said, “forget this”, but he just smiled and pulled me towards the open door to the van.
The first hour was stone-quiet inside the van, but Pum, not one for being shy, handed a music CD to the tour guide who was sitting in the seat next to the driver and asked her to play it. Once the music came on Pum started singing along with each song as if he was the recording artist himself. At first, a few of the younger German’s in the family started tapping their hands on their laps with the tempo of the music, and by the time we reached Bangkok 2 hours later the whole family was smiling and trying to sing along. It was just great!
The Tour itself was wonderful. We stopped at the floating market in Bangkok and enjoyed some coconut pancakes and tasty pineapple shakes, then cruised on a long boat along the scenic waterways surrounding the market. Then onward to catch a ride on the historic Death Railroad (I love the name) along the equally historic Hellfire Pass, and finally arriving in Kanchanaburi. We visited the historic War museum and cemetery, enjoyed an elephant ride in the river (splish-splash), and finally a walk across the infamous Bridge over the River Kwai.
Our lodging for the next 3 nights was on one of the many floating teakwood rafts you see tethered along the banks of the River which was the highlight of the trip for me. Complete with a bamboo porch - nestled in a triple-canopy jungle over-looking the calm waters of the river which hosted everything from strange-looking flying insects I had never seen before to giant bull frogs. Pum and I enjoyed having sex on the bamboo porch on more than one occasion, always under a star-lit sky with the sounds of bull frogs croaking and Thai classical musical playing softly in the distance. It was truly surrealistic, like floating around in one of my wildest dreams, never wanting it to end.
I remember being seated on the airplane ride home 2 months later trying to visualize what I’m describing right now, while erasing the fact that I was flying to the opposite side of the world from where these dreams were made. These return-trips always took my breath away.
I only had one day to rest after unpacking before my parents, two younger sisters, and my parents best friends were coming over for a visit. I had promised to show them my latest film which of course highlighted this recent adventure in Kanchanaburi. I was still jet lagged and not feeling very energetic, but anxious to see the film myself with the hopes that seeing it would help lift my spirits a bit.
My father was a great guy but not the type of person I could talk openly with about many things growing up. He saw me (or preferred seeing me) simply as a hockey player who was following in his “very male” footsteps. My mother was terrific and couldn’t be more open-minded about everything. She was a formal runway fashion model for many years and went on to become a fashion consultant for Elizabeth Arden in Chicago when she got older. Their best friends, Ed and Louise were considered part of the family, and rarely did you see my father during a weekend when Ed wasn’t with him. Ed was a very proud military veteran who took pride in always wearing his Army Combat Hat everywhere he went. My sisters were both engaged at the time and are a lot like my mom. Very “with-it”…no big hang-ups…and so much fun to be around.
The moment had come. I had already loaded the 90 minute video I just filmed in Thailand in my large screen TV - while my mom, Louise and my sisters, who had just finished picking up in the kitchen, took their seats on the sofa. My father and Ed had already lit their cigars and were postured in two overstuffed chairs perched right in front of the TV screen ready for show time.
I sat next to my Dad and hit the play button. They were truly amazed at some of the scenery, especially during the longboat ride at the Floating Market and during the ride on the Death Railroad. Dad and Ed seemed to particularly like the footage of the war museum in Kanchanaburi, which I think may have rekindled some serious memories for Ed. All-in-all, I was very happy with the quality of the film and so glad that my family was enjoying it.
Then, as if the world had just stopped rotating, I simultaneously heard two high-pitched screeches coming from my sisters, and a gasp of horror coming from Ed as if he was having a heart attack, as I witnessed my father biting his cigar so hard that hot ashes were falling on his lap. This all happened within a tenth of a second. Now, in a state of shock, I followed all of their eyes to the TV screen just in time to see Pum laying on our bed at Chateau Dale naked wagging his hard cock from side to side. To make matters worse, he was poking his tongue out making licking motions the whole time. I ALMOST PASSED OUT!
I frantically grabbed the remote control from the table next to where my Dad was sitting and just started hitting all of the buttons in an attempt to stop the video. Nothing worked. Not only did the video keep playing, but Pum, being his playful self, decided to lift one leg up exposing the crack of his ass while continuing to poke his tongue out. I ended up just leaping across the room and frantically ripped the cord out of the electric outlet. I WANTED TO DIE!
My Mom and Louise are nothing short of a class-act. Louise said something like…”oh darn, right at the good part”…and my Mom just looked over at my Dad…rolled her eyes…and blushed. My Dad sat there with smoke still coming up from his groin area from his cigar ashes with this catatonic stare on his face like he was in a trance. My sisters had escaped back into the kitchen and failed miserably at concealing their hysterical laughter. And Ed, like my father, just sat there in a trance.
My Mom and Louise attempted to save me by making small talk and trying to induce a lighter tone in the room. I just walked out on the balcony, lit a cigarette, and contemplated just jumping off. I could hear my mother calling me back inside to enjoy some of Louise’s wonderful strawberry cheesecake…while my two manic sisters were still laughing hysterically.
Finally, my father walked out on the balcony and stood next to me. The first thing he said was…”who in the hell was that idiot”. I replied…”just one of my Thai friends”. He responded…”I think you should pick some better friends because that guy’s off his rocker”. I responded…”It’s hard to explain Dad, but Thai people are just a little crazy like that” (what else could I say?). He just gave me one of those…”don’t open your mouth anymore” looks.
My Mom came to the rescue in the days following this disaster as she always did when I screwed something up. She even said at one point that her and Louise thought Ed actually liked it…followed by laughter.
Life would go on…all was forgiven…and I ended up watching the part with Pum a hundred times over – sometimes smiling…sometimes laughing…and always counting the days till my return.