A visit to my BF's mother after a typhoon

[Montree]

A few years ago there was a seasonal typhoon that blew through Ratchaburi. Unfortunately it hit the home of my boyfriend’s mother. So I wasn’t sure what to expect as we visited on our way to Hua Hin.

The initial approach looked promising:



But on turning the corner the damage was obvious:



A large tree had actually fallen away from the house but its roots had lifted up from below the floor and destroyed one wall:



Thankfully his mother was OK but staying with relatives until the house was repaired. I’ve visited once more since then and things are back to as near normal as they ever are. I will be there again in just over a week.

My boyfriend jointly owns a house in the next village which was left to him and other family by his father. It was also damaged by the typhoon. It’s a more substantial two storey house but the roof was so badly damaged that he only uses the ground floor now but he spends most of his time in Bangkok so he is rarely there. My boyfriend's attempt to sell the land have been bogged down in legal problems for years as no one can actually agree who is entitled to sell it.

[Doug55]

Nice story thanks.

[Dodger]

My boyfriend's attempt to sell the land have been bogged down in legal problems for years as no one can actually agree who is entitled to sell it.

This is a VERY common problem in Thailand.

The chanotes (property title deeds) that have been passed down to various family members over the generations are a mess.

Some of the problems include, but are not limited to, property lines not clearly marked (or never marked), families encroaching on property that does not belong to them, new owners buying property without the transaction being registered with the land office, property used to payoff gambling debts where the "seller" didn't actually own the property legally, and of course family squabbles where two or more people think they own the same property for the reasons mentioned.

What I just described is rampant here.

[Montree]

The chanotes (property title deeds) that have been passed down to various family members over the generations are a mess.

In all the years I’ve known my boyfriend I’ve never been able to sort out his family. He seems to have an endless supply of relatives who may be “cousins” or “uncles” or “nephews”. It doesn’t help that my boyfriend basically calls everyone an uncle or aunt if he’s speaking English and I’ve never got to grip with Thai way of describing such relatives with both the sex and wether they are older or younger etc. Someone who I’m fairly sure is a genuine female cousin has been the main problem in the sale of the land as she claims to have a greater right to make decisions than other relatives. There’s also a dispute about the size of the plot and if it’s even one or two pieces of land.

There used to be banana trees planted next to the house and my boyfriend was furious when a relative had them cut down (as he says “make me angy”). There were other fruit trees with fruit I couldn’t even identify. To add to the confusion there’s a second house, now abandoned, next door that nobody seems to know who owns and which is, apparently, haunted. There’s a single piece of paper of unknown date with a sketch map that is all the paperwork that seems to exist.

[Gaybutton]

There used to be banana trees planted next to the house and my boyfriend was furious when a relative had them cut down

The relative may have been correct. If the banana trees had already produced bananas, then he was right to cut them down. Banana trees produce only once. The shoots that come up from the base will produce the next crop. However, if they had not yet produced, then the trees should have been left alone.

[Montree]

The relative may have been correct.

My boyfriend’s house used to be a traditional single storey built on legs above the ground. It made sense in an area that flooded every rainy season. Then the river near by was diverted into a concrete trench and the locals filled in the lower stories of their homes under the impression that it wouldn’t flood any more. It improved things a bit but sadly the flooding continued. My boyfriend’s house escaped the flooding until the land was cleared and water run-off flowed into his ground floor. The most recent photos I’ve seen show the land as just a patch of mud so perhaps I should have said the banana trees were removed rather than cut down. I can’t be sure though without another visit.

The relative responsible joined the army but is now in prison!

[Dodger]

.......It doesn’t help that my boyfriend basically calls everyone an uncle or aunt if he’s speaking English and I’ve never got to grip with Thai way of describing such relative.

Thai family dynamics are very different than in the West.

A farang for instance, will probably be referred to by family members as "farang" until he has been together with his boyfriend for a considerable amount of time (typically years), or they marry. This is usually when Thai families start considering the farang as being part of the family where the title "farang" disappears and they start referring to him by his first name.

Thais refer to their friends based on how they "are viewed" - not in a "legal sense" as practiced in the West. The most common titles given to close friends who are considered part of the family include aunt, uncle, brother, and sister, which you eluded to. Thai Buddhists believe that we are ALL connected by nature - so they don't view this as breaking any rules.

This always makes it it very confusing figuring out who's-who - but there's a technique that I've used several times over the years which really helped: I simply sat down with my boyfriend with a pen and paper and wrote down the actual family tree (legal relatives) in a traditional hierarchy - using solid lines to connect the family members and dotted lines to connect non-family members (by the titles given to them) until the tree was complete. I used this as a reference many times for my partners huge family until the pieces started falling into place.

Chok Dee (Good Luck)

[Montree]

there's a technique that I've used several times over the years which really helped: I simply sat down with my boyfriend with a pen and paper and wrote down the actual family tree (legal relatives) in a traditional hierarchy

I have a simple family tree with one brother with nephews and nieces and great nephews and nieces. My boyfriend is fascinated by them and takes great pride in remembering their names. I’ve actually drawn a family tree for him but have never attempted it the other way around. I’ve taken some large group photos of his relatives so I think I’ll use them to get him to sort out who is who. I particularly remember one “King’s Day” when we hired a mini bus and packed it with his relatives and went to the beach. I took the best group shot I have on that trip which is a bit out-of-date now but it's a start.

[Montree]

My boyfriend’s mother’s home after it was repaired.



The track that leads to my Boyfriend’s house.



My boyfriend’s house with some of the typhoon damage to the roof just visible.

[Undaunted]

Why are you Montree so stingy that you can’t build him a new house?