In Thai culture, phet thi sam, translating to "third sex" or "third gender," refers to a very broad scope of sexual identities that exist alongside the heterosexual male and female name tags.
Most foreigners, including myself in the early days, associated phet thi sam mostly with katoeys/ ladyboys, but in reality anyone who is not straight (male or female) most likely falls in the phet thi sam spectrum.
It’s the awareness and acceptance of a third sex in Thai culture that can be credited for the wonderful level of openness of self-expression that we see all around us. Even at a very young age boys with more feminine inclinations start dressing and acting more feminine, and masculine girls (Toms) start dressing more “boyish” if so inclined. You can even see them change or alter their sexual identities in some cases as they mature with the same level of openness.
In Thai Buddhism this broad scope of gender diversity (phet thi sam) with its different types of sexualities and gendered bodies is acknowledged and accepted, thus the reason why this diversity is so widely accepted in Thai society.
The first 3 questions I asked myself during my first exposure to gay Thailand was; 1) Why are there so many gays in Thailand? 2) Why are there so many ladyboys in Thailand? and 3) Why are gays so accepted in Thailand?
The answer to all these questions was the same. The acknowledgement and acceptance of a third sex (phet thi sam) is deeply imbedded in Thai culture and has been throughout history. There aren't more gays or ladyboys in Thailand, they just don't have to hide in closets. Being different is normal.
I sat having breakfast in Pattaya once while overhearing a farang at the table next to mine telling his friends how good the boy he offed from XYZ Bar the night before was at sex. He went on to tell his friends that the boy was definitely str8 – as he detested ladyboys. Little did the farang know that the boy he had offed (who worked at my friend’s bar ) was actually a lady boy...
I’ve witnessed this more than once.I just heard a farang state recently that “all of the boys in XYZ Bar are str8 but most will gladly bottom”. Believe me, most of the boys (not all) who gladly bottom are somewhere in the phet thi sam spectrum (probably gay or bi). I can hear some of you groaning now…LOL
In all my boy adventures stemming back over two decades, each-and-every Boy Special that entered my life was Phet Thi Sam. Ranging from str8 appearing guys with those boy-next-door good looks, to pretty boys who were a tad bit nellie (as coined by me dear friend Bud from DC), to ladyboys (who dress like girls and prefer fake breasts), and everything in-between.
I love the diversity…the openness…and most of all their unconditional acceptance of others around them.
This is the way gay life should be everywhere.