Boys Requesting Money

[Jun]

Two requests for money in one day today! I've not responded to either.

One, from Laos "has no money to eat". I quite often see this lad with customers, so doubt that he is short of money. He was also travelling with a customer for several days earlier in the month. To be fair, he rarely contacts me between meetings & has never asked for money before.

The other one, from Cambodia, is always asking for money. I made the mistake of sending some once, which was probably too much encouragement.
This time, the justification is a visit to the doctor. He sent some documents, which do have his name on them. Neither document includes any information about the pricing.
However, I saw him on the evening after the first appointment, last week. He mentioned it cost 300 baht & that this was reasonable. The documents show two further appointments.
He's already had a 5 figure sum off me in the past month, but that was all well & truly earned from several meetings. I expect he can get by.

The two lads know each other. Not only that, they seem to attract some of the same customers. I've had two instances where different customers of the Lao lad came over to say hello to the Cambodian lad. The Lao lad doesn't work at any bar.


Another Lao lad is messaging me on an almost daily basis, but has not yet asked for any money. He knows it's a few months before the next trip. I wonder where all those messages will lead.

[Gaybutton]

Two requests for money in one day today! I've not responded to either.

If I were you I'd keep it that way. I'm sorry if this sounds callous, but I've learned quite a bit over the years. First, you are in no way responsible for their lives and problems. For me, the decision as to whether to give them the money depends on how well I know them, and how well I can trust them to be telling me the truth.

My problem is whenever I have given money to a boy's plea, even just once, now the pleas for money never stop - and I mean NEVER stop. No matter how much I give them, it's never enough. When I've finally had enough it is very difficult to turn them down. It rarely ends well.

The two most common reasons they ask - at first - are "I not have money for eat" and "I not have money for room". As long as I've lived in Thailand I have never seen any of these boys starve to death or lose their room. After they try those two excuses, now the excuses start getting more elaborate.

Again, I hate to come across as a callous miser, but as I said, I've learned a great deal over the years. You are their customer, not their benefactor. You are not responsible for their lives.

I have learned to do just as you are doing. If they are communicating online, ignore the plea and do not respond. The pleas may keep coming, so you keep ignoring. Sooner or later they give up and stop. If the plea is verbal, my response is "I am sorry. I cannot". And stick to that. You do not owe them any explanation as to why you cannot, although they'll probably press you for one.

This is a good moment to remind everyone about Richard Burk's philosophy: "If you want love in Thailand, rent it."

[Montree]

I've know a Cambodian boy for a year and he sends me messages regularly. Late last night he sent his first request for money. However, he seems to have had second thoughts as this morning he had deleted it.

[Dodger]

It's discussions like this that remind me how fortunate I am.

[Rocket]

I see nothing wrong with helping out guys who request money if you can afford it and it’s a boy you’re fond of. There are worse things to spend your money on.

Today I blocked a Cambodian who I spent about six weeks with living with me. I had just sent him $50 a couple days ago and $50 a week ago. About $100 three weeks ago. He said he needed the money to get back home to Siem Reap from visiting his mother in a small town nearby there.

He’s quite a liar so I never believe anything he says. I did make the mistake of telling him I loved him. Absolutely no upside to that as it’s just another way to take more advantage. I got used to him saying “ If you love me….. blah blah blah”

I planned on dumping him, it was just a question of when. I was going to leave him with $100 as a goodbye gift but I decided it will go towards a hookup when I get back to Thailand in October.

No matter what I give him, he will be angry with me anyway, so I’m moving on. I do like the “ boyfriend “ experience, which is why I put up with these guys shenanigans.

[Dodger]

.......I do like the “ boyfriend “ experience, which is why I put up with these guys shenanigans.

It's nice to hear someone being honest about this.

I doubt there's very many farang who help their Boy Specials out financially who aern't doing it for the very same reason...regardless of what they say.

[Jun]

My problem is whenever I have given money to a boy's plea, even just once, now the pleas for money never stop - and I mean NEVER stop.

That does seem to be how it works.

I turned off my Line notifications after the winter trip to make sure I don't read or respond to requests until much later (if at all).
Unfortunately, for the recent trip, I forgot to turn it on again. So I missed the message telling me my first boy had arrived & he was waiting for about 20 minutes. I like to treat boys better than that.

Line does have a facility to mute chats with specific people, so the notifications don't pop up for that person. [Long press on the chat, them select "mute chat"]
I think I'll make use of that & add a line to my checklist to turn most of them back on before the next trip.

I've never given my phone number to any boy.

I see nothing wrong with helping out guys who request money if you can afford it and it’s a boy you’re fond of. There are worse things to spend your money on.

Today I blocked a Cambodian who I spent about six weeks with living with me. I had just sent him $50 a couple days ago and $50 a week ago. About $100 three weeks ago. He said he needed the money to get back home to Siem Reap from visiting his mother in a small town nearby there.

I agree to a point, but I'm certainly not going to fund regular living costs for boys when I'm a butterfly.
Admittedly, on the June trip, I saw just 5 different boys, none of whom were new. Just over half the meetings were with the same lad. So some very uneven butterflying.

The few boys I've actually sent money to were all boys I've seen multiple times. Obviously they're nice to talk to and are good in bed.

I've agreed to fund a passport for one of them, which would be by far my largest ever gift. But he's not getting the money until he's back home ready to visit the passport office. I also don't want to be funding his living costs on a regular basis, as whatever I send will never be enough.
Even funding the passport could go wrong in many ways, but I think it's good for him & reducing the deportation risk for one of my favourite lads works for me too.

So far, I've never fallen out with a regular boy badly enough to block him. Muting the chat will be sufficient.

[Gaybutton]

So far, I've never fallen out with a regular boy badly enough to block him.

I've had them block me a couple times when I refused to give them the money they were begging for. I had endured enough pleas to finally put my foot down and let them know I am their customer, not their ATM. They get their tip money when we have our encounters, but that's it.

Another one of their gags that I don't fall for is "If you give money now, I come to you free next time." When I hear things like that, I know it's usually bullshit, so I make sure there won't be a next time.

Again, I know I might be coming across as being miserly, but as I've said - I've lived here many years. I know their tricks and cons and I learned a long time ago, sometimes the hard way, not to fall for them.

[Jun]

I've had them block me a couple times when I refused to give them the money they were begging for. I had endured enough pleas to finally put my foot down and let them know I am their customer, not their ATM. They get their tip money when we have our encounters, but that's it.

I've not had that.

When I get blocked or when I block people, it's usually some nutcase on Grindr who I've not yet met.

As for the boys messaging me, I've now muted Line notifications for their specific accounts. So if I read & respond to their message, there is likely to be a big delay.
I've made a note to unmute them just before the next trip.

[Gaybutton]

I've made a note to unmute them just before the next trip.

Maybe I'm jaded or have become a grumpy old man, but when it comes to these boys, as soon as I see even one "red light" I almost always end it and end any further contact right then and there - and with very few exceptions it stays that way. I don't need the aggravation. As I've posted many times, over the years I learned the hard way, at least for me that's the best way to handle it.

When seeing certain boys changes from something enjoyable to a pain, something causing me stress and anxiety, I see no point in continuing.

If I wasn't living in Thailand I might put up with it, but living in Thailand, why should I when there are so many more available willing young gents out there?