The Subtle Shift from Boyfriend to ‘Useful Assistant’ in Thailand

[Daleinpattaya]

I have cut-and-pasted below the first two paragraphs of a thread currently on the ASEAN NOW forum. Although the discussion relates specifically to relationships between farang males and their Thai FEMALE partners, it could easily refer to farang males and their long-term Thai MALE partners. All you have to do is change the gender-based nouns and pronouns.

The original post is quite long and the thread is currently on to a second page. Some of it is worth reading and likely to generate thoughtful comment.

+++++++++++++

The Subtle Shift from Boyfriend to ‘Useful Assistant’ in Thailand

After spending decades here in Thailand, I’ve had my share of long-term relationships with Thai women. Some worked in the nightlife scene; others had more conventional jobs. But in all cases, there was never any money involved. None of these relationships were a sex-for-money exchange. They grew from connection, curiosity, and a genuine desire to be with each other. And for a while, it was just that—simple, fun, even a bit idyllic. I moved in with some, stayed separate from others, but each felt like a real partnership.
 
Yet over time, something subtle, almost unspoken, would shift. What began as a classic love story somehow evolved into something… well, different. One day you’re the boyfriend, sharing laughs and the occasional cultural misstep, and the next, you feel like a mix of partner, assistant, and on-call problem-solver—kind of like a boyfriend service. The funny thing was, nothing was ever asked of me directly. It was as if I’d been drafted into a new role without warning, a subtle shift I couldn’t pinpoint until I was already in too deep.

https://aseannow.com/topic/1342722-the- ... -thailand/

[Dodger]

Below is a cut n' paste of my comments on this topic as posted on Sawatdee with a few minor changes:

What's that old saying..."The most expensive Thai partner is the one that's free".

Usually baiting tactics like this are quite subtle at the start, but hold on to the reigns because after a few months have passed "baiting tactic level 2" usually commences where they're poised to set the hook. e.g., my sister needs money for school, my grandmother is dying, my fathers water buffalo can't walk anymore, etc. etc., etc. This is usually the time when the farang either cuts-the-cord and moves on, or decides that his Thai counterpart (and his/hers family) are a worthy investment.

Just like everywhere else on Planet Earth, there's simply no relationship in Thailand that's going to be free regardless if it's a one night roll-in-the-hay with a prostitute, a long-term relationship, or even marriage.

The majority of working Thai boys were raised in total poverty and more than likely still have families back in some remote village somewhere scraping the dirt for food (meant literally). They are doing this type of work simply to earn enough money to live and send some much-needed support home. Some also have aspirations of meeting a jai dee farang who they can enjoy having a long-tern relationship with. But in either scenario, the role of the farang in the relationship is that of "sponsor" (or assistant) where a certain level of financial support would most likely be expected.... understanding that a Thai will NEVER turn their backs on the needs of their family.

IMO there is no shift between "boyfriend" and "useful assistant" in the context of relationships with Thais, because these two titles (or roles) are one in the same. It's not understanding this from the start that I believe creates so much confusion and emotional turmoil between farang and Thai. That's why it's always best for a tourist to just enjoy having short-time fun with the Thais (girls or boys) while avoiding any long-term commitments.

[Gaybutton]

I did not read the OP, either on this board or the full post on the Sawatdee forum. I don't need to. I've been in Thailand far longer than necessary to know exactly what is going on and the traps people manage to fall into.

However I did read Dodger's post and I agree with every word of it.

Once again, many of you probably well remember Richard Burk and the quote he gave me when I was still a newbie in Thailand:

"If you want love in Thailand, rent it."

At the time I didn't understand why he would say that, but it didn't take long to figure it out . . .

[Jun]

"If you want love in Thailand, rent it."

“If it flies, floats or fornicates, always rent it. It's cheaper in the long run.”― Felix Dennis

On average, I suspect it's less complicated too?

I might take this too far, as even if I meet a boy many times, it's hardly ever on two successive meetings.

Once boys have absorbed the message that I'm a butterfly and realised it's going to be at least a week before his next date with me, I've noticed some of them start introducing me to their friends & pointing out how cute they are.

[Rocket]

"If you want love in Thailand, rent it."

“If it flies, floats or fornicates, always rent it. It's cheaper in the long run.”― Felix Dennis

On average, I suspect it's less complicated too?

I might take this too far, as even if I meet a boy many times, it's hardly ever on two successive meetings.

Once boys have absorbed the message that I'm a butterfly and realised it's going to be at least a week before his next date with me, I've noticed some of them start introducing me to their friends & pointing out how cute they are.

That’s so true! This cute Lao boy last year realized I only wanted him every other week or so. And I’d contact him very late, about 2 am asking him to come over. However he was a planner and rarely showed up on my whims.
He showed me photos of a few of his friends trying to get me to hook up with them. But they weren’t as cute. Now he’s left the scene.
I miss him now, so I try to not neglect or lose track of the real hot boys who might be gone tomorrow.

[Jun]

Generally, it seems the odds of a specific guy being available almost immediately are not that high ? He might have fallen asleep, be talking to a customer, be eating, drinking or even playing with Tik Tok & oblivious to anything else.

So I usually try to arrange it several hours in advance.

If I'm after a last minute hookup, I start by checking who is online from the short list. They are probably the ones looking for a hookup.