Finding Mr. Right - If You're So Inclined

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Jun

Re: Finding Mr. Right - If You're So Inclined

Post by Jun »

ceejay wrote: Tue Jul 23, 2019 5:42 pm There is also a Thai way of the serial Sugar Daddy. A man with enough money, often married, will "sponsor" a student through University. After 3 or 4 years are up and the young man has graduated they both move on - the young man quite possibly to marriage, children and "respectability", and the "sponsor" to a new protege.
Now providing there is enough money, that could make sense for both parties. The lad gets his education and the sponsor gets a trade in for a fresh new model after 3~4 years.
For someone with enough cash, it could also be attractive in the UK. Although one obvious hurdle is that the tuition fees for overseas students are payable at the start of the academic year (& must be somewhere near £20k for overseas students now). Paying up front would be a risk. Presumably much less of a problem in Thailand if University costs are at the level I imagine.

Of course, this amounts to a very long term off, rather than finding Mr Right.


Incidentally, I did know of one very handsome Thai lad living with his farang in one of the "home counties" in the UK (lets be vague to protect them). Officially the Thai guy was here to study English, but he was also running a massage business at home, with the full knowledge of his partner. The massage service was one of the best around and his pricing was very competitive.
I heard he also got his visa renewed for another year. Then one day, he said he was returning to Thailand for a holiday & was very vague about when he was returning to the UK. I haven't seen or heard from him since. Nothing via the LINE app or phone & no massage ads anywhere.

I suppose he could have quietly returned to the UK and a different career, however staying in Thailand seems far more likely.

The one complication with this is the Thai lad told me he had a XX% share of the property & the mortgage. I don't know how this worked out, but there are potential problems.
When the Thai lad walks out of the door, presumably the farang has to step up to pay 100% of the mortgage and presumably selling the property would be troublesome, if someone else has a minority interest & is absent.
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Re: Finding Mr. Right - If You're So Inclined

Post by RichLB »

I don't want to minimize the pain of any break-up, but I think a counter balancing voice might be appropriate. First, let's recognize that 50 percent of heterosexual marriages end up in divorce - likely to be as painful as those recounted here. Sure, winter-spring relationships bring on a unique set of problems and coupled with financial disparity, it's surprising so many survive. I'm actually surprised at the number of Thai-farang couplings I know of which are flourishing. Within my small circle of friends well over half of them have a happy relationship of more than 10 years. Those who don't simply value the single life and don't look for prolonged entanglements.

It makes no sense to offer advice for maintaining a happy coupling since there are as many dynamics as there are people. I only write this to encourage those seeking a LTR in Thailand to not look at Thai "boys" with a jaundiced eye.
traveller123

Re: Finding Mr. Right - If You're So Inclined

Post by traveller123 »

RichLB wrote: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:47 pm I'm actually surprised at the number of Thai-farang couplings I know of which are flourishing.
I am one of the lucky ones, I met my other half 10 1/2 years and have had a very happy life with him.
Wise words have been said here and I do suspect the chances of such happiness is a small percentage.
We are equals, if not financially, we have a 36 year age gap so I respect he needs time with his friends without me, we live in Isaan where perhaps there are less temptations.
I do appreciate I am very fortunate and I count my blessings every day
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Re: Finding Mr. Right - If You're So Inclined

Post by Gaybutton »

RichLB wrote: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:47 pm I'm actually surprised at the number of Thai-farang couplings I know of which are flourishing.
How does that compare to the number not flourishing . . . ?
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Re: Finding Mr. Right - If You're So Inclined

Post by windwalker »

Some are lucky in their relationships while others are not.
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Re: Finding Mr. Right - If You're So Inclined

Post by werner99 »

Dodger wrote: Mon Jul 22, 2019 11:19 am Always the optimist, .
Dodger,

Please do consider posting parts of your book [memoir?] on this forum.

I am amazed that you are "always the optimist".

You certainly have had more than your share of woe:

As I understand your story, one boyfriend/husband died of tuberculosis while serving an eight-year jail sentence.

Another boyfriend/husband squandered your money, trashed your apartment, and betrayed your love and trust in many ways.

Such experiences would make most people bitter and cynical.

But you remain an optimist -- and have found a new relationship.

Bravo and best wishes to you and your partner!
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Re: Finding Mr. Right - If You're So Inclined

Post by TomUK »

Gaybutton wrote: Tue Jul 23, 2019 1:11 pm He was involved with a Thai guy and I feel a little guilty because I'm the one who introduced them. My friend was also doing everything right. He is German. When he was in Germany he spoke with the boy regularly over the phone and was fully financially supporting him, and even supporting the boy's family. This was going on for over three years. The boy was always delighted when he would come to Thailand, would be inseparable, and often cried when my friend left to return to Germany. It turned out those were crocodile tears.
I fear GB’s memory has been clouded over the years. I never called my boyfriend from Germany. There wouldn’t have been much point since I have been living in England all the time. I supported him financially to allow him to go to university, but I never supported his family. I only ever met his mum on a regular basis. She was working in a restaurant in Pattaya and on her days off we would take her for a meal at some seafood restaurant. If he gave her money from my allowance, he did it without my knowledge. His mother never asked me for anything.

We met in October 2004 and had many happy times together. I only found out that it was all over in November 2007 when I arrived in Bangkok and switched on my Thai mobile phone. I received a message from him telling me that we are finished and that he has a new boyfriend. I never saw him again. The closest I came to meet him again was about six years later when I saw his car parked in a street in Korat, a few months before he died. That he had HIV is new to me. At the time GB told me a different story about his cause of death.

You can imagine that I was devastated, having been dumped by SMS. However, instead of joining the flying farang squadron I decided to make the most of my holiday and to go out and enjoy myself. And that’s what I did. I went to the bars, something I never did with my boyfriend and I also had a few offs. I made one resolution: I would never again support a guy financially on a regular basis and so far, I have stuck to this. In hind side I have to thank my boyfriend for ending the relationship, because since we split up, I have had so many happy memories and a few sad once, none of which would have ever occurred if we had still been together.

When I stayed in Pattaya in November 2007, after having been dumped, I became friends with one of the hotel staff. I have to confess that I love him to bits. He would be the ideal boyfriend, but unfortunately, he is not gay. He is like my younger brother and whenever I visit his family in Roi Et, I feel like coming home. His grandmother always cries when I have to leave again and she always asks my friend when is Pu Jay coming back. In the village I’m not just a farang, I’m the village farang who always joins in when there are special events and everybody seems to know me.

Since my experience in 2007 I hooked up with a guy from Kalasin who I met in an ice cream parlour. We had a brief fling but I ended it. The chemistry just wasn’t there. Then I had a boyfriend from the North of Isaan. We were together for about two years when we suddenly both realised it was over, I couldn’t even give a proper reason. He is still a part of my wider circle of Thai friends. There was a period without any significant other until I met my boyfriend from Buriram at the beginning of 2013. We were together for 5 years and then history repeated itself: he suddenly decided to cut off all contact with me without giving any reason. Last year I had the crazy idea to go look for him in Buriram and took a Laos friend with me as interpreter and travel companion. It turned out that my Ex had moved to Bangkok and I had two enjoyable weeks with my friend from Laos. We became very close and in October 2018 we went to Laos to visit his family and to travel around the country. We also made plans for him to come to England this year. In December I received the message from his friends that he had died. In May this year I went back to Laos to visit his grave.

At the end of my May trip I met another boy from Laos in Pattaya. I had been to Boyztown at the beginning of my trip and encountered two guys I quite fancied but didn’t want to get involved with at the time for one reason or another. Of course, when I went back, they were nowhere to be seen. Instead this boy from Laos approached me and offered me a massage. I wasn’t really that keen at this moment but his beautiful smile won me over and we ended up spending my last two nights together before my flight back to England. Since then we have been in constant daily contact and I can’t wait until we meet again in September. He is now back in Laos and has sent me so many photos of his daily live that I could fill an album.

I feel that this time it is different. Looking back on my time with my Thai boyfriends it was always a very one-sided relationship. Everything was tickety-boo when we were together in Thailand, but as soon as I returned to England it was mainly me who tried to keep in touch. It was already very different with my late Laos boyfriend who would regularly message me and it is really extreme with my current significant other. Although we have only met for a short time, we always seem to find something to talk about every day.
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Re: Finding Mr. Right - If You're So Inclined

Post by Gaybutton »

TomUK wrote: Thu Jul 25, 2019 3:28 am I fear GB’s memory has been clouded over the years.
Oh well, at least I remember the basic story correctly, which is the point. The son of a bitch treated you horribly and sadly you are by far not the only farang who has been victimized.

One thing I know I remember perfectly clearly - you are a very nice person and you deserved far better than you got.

As for my memory: Yes Sir, No Sir, No Excuse Sir. You get to decide which one applies . . .
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Re: Finding Mr. Right - If You're So Inclined

Post by fountainhall »

TomUK wrote: Thu Jul 25, 2019 3:28 am I feel that this time it is different.
TomUK - a sad story but beautifully told. Thank you for posting.

I expect many visitors to Thailand and other parts of Asia feel as you do - "this time it's different." I absolutely do not doubt you expecially with all your other experiences. I only wonder what your plans are for the future. If I may ask, do you hope that he will come to live with you in the UK or are you thinking of retiring here?
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Re: Finding Mr. Right - If You're So Inclined

Post by 2lz2p »

RichLB wrote: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:47 pm It makes no sense to offer advice for maintaining a happy coupling since there are as many dynamics as there are people. I only write this to encourage those seeking a LTR in Thailand to not look at Thai "boys" with a jaundiced eye.
I agree with RichLB and wish that others looking for a LTR can find what they are seeking. But, as Rich says, there are as many dynamics as there are people and, if you are lucky, may find "Mr Right." I consider myself to be one of the lucky ones. I met my bf in 1992 (I was 49 and he was 23), visited him on my twice yearly holidays, and moved here in 2002 after I retired. I was not sure how it would go, knowing that being together on a permanent basis rather than two weeks of holiday might result in our finding we were not compatible. Fortunately, that was not the case and we are still together.
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