Lesbian dating platform sends a 'message to transphobes': Delete our app

[Gaybutton]

Lesbian dating platform sends a 'message to transphobes': Delete our app

The founder of popular queer dating app HER said transgender and nonbinary lesbians are welcome on the platform.

By Jay Valle

April 29, 2023

A popular lesbian dating app has one message for users who don’t want transgender people on the platform: “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

HER, a global dating and network platform for lesbians and other queer people looking for love and friendship, sent a mass notification to its users on Wednesday: “A Message for Transphobes: Time to delete HER,” it said, in part.

“We have a very big thriving lesbian community on HER, and so we want to make that message really clear,” Robyn Exton, who founded the platform in 2015, told NBC News on Friday. “All lesbians are welcome and celebrated on HER — trans lesbians, nonbinary lesbians.”

Exton, who said the app has 20 million users globally, 12.5% of which identify as transgender or nonbinary, said she and her colleagues at HER are determined to push back against the narrative that lesbian identity is “owned by cis[gender] lesbians,” meaning lesbians who do not identify as transgender.

“We are cis women, and we just fundamentally do not agree with that,” she said.

In honor of Lesbian Visibility Day on Wednesday, the HER team published a blog post titled: “This Lesbian Visibility Day, We Are Reclaiming ‘Lesbian.’” The post, which was written by Exton, expresses support for trans and nonbinary lesbians and pushes back against those who don’t.

“There’s no such thing as a ‘real lesbian.’ But being a genuinely lousy human? Oh, that’s a thing. Join us in honoring trans and non-binary lesbians today and forever,” the post said.

Following the publication of the post, HER’s Twitter account received a tidal wave of backlash from those who disagreed with it. The HER Twitter account pushed back, and, shortly after the heated exchanges, Twitter temporarily suspended the HER account.

Exton said the 24-hour suspension, which occurred on Lesbian Visibility Day, was “largely because of the interaction with the ‘TERF’ audience, who then just kept repeatedly reporting our account.” (TERF is an acronym for transgender-exclusionary radical feminist.)

Twitter responded to a request for comment with the “Pile of Poo” emoji, which, as Elon Musk announced last month, is now the automated message sent to press requests.

As NBC News reported last week, Twitter has quietly changed its hateful conduct policy, removing language that protected transgender people from online harassment. The advocacy group GLAAD condemned the move, calling it the latest in a series of changes that have made the platform less safe for people and advertisers.

Exton said the HER app seeks to minimize transgender discrimination on the app by, among other things, suspending the accounts of those who publicly post preferences that exclude transgender users.

“When you are explicitly stating that you will not consider a whole identity group, that tosses discriminatory behavior.”

After the restoration of the HER Twitter account, Exton shared a video on the platform in celebration of Lesbian Visibility Week, saying HER wants to make it clear that “lesbians exist in all different kinds and types; there is no one way to be a lesbian.”

https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-new ... -rcna82049

[Jun]

A popular lesbian dating app has one message for users who don’t want transgender people on the platform: “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

The obvious solution would be to require people to declare their gender and add a filter, which people can use for gender. Possibly even a filter that works on incoming messages.

I guess that's no longer PC in the strange world that we live in.
However, surely people are entitled to decide what gender they date.
So why don't the dating apps facilitate that choice ?

[Undaunted]

I think transgender people should be a separate category from gay men and woman and should have their own dating sites etc. I don’t see them as being gay which implies being attracted to the same sex.

[Jun]

I think transgender people should be a separate category from gay men and woman and should have their own dating sites etc. I don’t see them as being gay which implies being attracted to the same sex.

Such a view would result in some very hostile replies on at least one site I can think of.

However, I happen to agree with you. Putting them on their own site works and then everyone can make their choice.
I'd also accept them on male for male sites, as long as appropriate filters exist.

Grindr has loads of ladyboys in Pattaya, but thankfully they have an unlimited number of blocks, so I block almost every lady boy in town just to tidy up my screen. That's my filter.

I'm fine with the existence of lady boys, but since I'm not out to date them, I want apps that help me to do some sorting.

In some instances, it appears political correctness has gone too far, for instance: https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cycling/65456752
Surely women's sport only exists so they can fairly compete against each other, at a lower performance level ?
The moment you blur the boundaries on who can compete, all the genuine female athletes don't stand a chance.

Of course I respect that people can modify themselves as they see fit, as long as it's at their own expense and they accept some reasonable boundaries.

[Gaybutton]

and they accept some reasonable boundaries.

Who gets to decide what those would be?

[Jun]

Who gets to decide what those would be?

Well that's where all the debate is.

My personal view is by all means have operations to change gender, but don't use it as a back door for men to enter women's sport.
Also, despite all this "identifying as female nonsense", those with male genitals should still use the men's changing rooms and vice versa. Identify as you see fit, but respect some boundaries.

[Gaybutton]

those with male genitals should still use the men's changing rooms and vice versa.

I agree, but I'm sure many would disagree. Maybe if it becomes a large enough issue, in the future changing rooms, restrooms, etc, will have facilities for male, female, and trans.

As long as the USA remains Republican dominated, the odds of anything similar to that are virtually nil. I also agree with Undaunted. I don't think trans has anything to do with gay, lesbian, or straight sexual preference. I think it is a totally separate issue.

I don't like labels, categories, or stereotyping. If anyone were to ask me where I would place the lady boys, I wouldn't even try to come up with a label or category. Besides, who says the lady boys all become lady boys for the same reason?

In other words, these issues are complicated and although it probably can't be helped, trying to legislate about it, in my opinion, is an exercise in futility and the wrong thing to try to do. But I don't have an answer for what would be the right thing to do - other than to let people just live their lives as they see fit and are not stepping on the rights of others.

There are still people back in the USA who I would not want knowing I am gay, and I don't like still feeling that way. They have probably guessed and talked about it behind my back, but nobody ever actually asked me. If they had, depending on who it was, I hope I would have answered honestly. I think I would answer honestly now, but I also live half a world away and am unlikely to ever see or have any kind of contact with those people again.

No simple answers that satisfactorily deal with any of this.

[Jun]

I agree, but I'm sure many would disagree. Maybe if it becomes a large enough issue, in the future changing rooms, restrooms, etc, will have facilities for male, female, and trans.

I doubt the percentage of trans would ever be high enough to make that economic.

I don't like labels, categories, or stereotyping. If anyone were to ask me where I would place the lady boys, I wouldn't even try to come up with a label or category.

Of course, but if someone is on a lesbian or straight dating site, they are perfectly entitled to search for a female partner.
So that dating site either needs to exclude trannies or require people to declare their gender and include filters.

There are straight dating sites, gay dating sites and apparently, lesbian dating sites. Everything works much better because of that segregation.
Imagine the complication of trying to find a gay guy on a general dating site that welcomed everyone.

[Gaybutton]

I doubt the percentage of trans would ever be high enough to make that economic.

There are circumstances and issues that can outweigh economics. This, at some point, may turn out to be such a case - at least in civilized countries. I would not expect it in countries that still regard anything other than straight to be worthy of very long prison sentences or even death.