Living in Thailand v Visiting. Differences ?

[Jun]

For those of you who have made the step, what were the main lifestyle differences between living in Thailand and being a tourist ?
In particular, what differences were unexpected ?

[Gaybutton]

You are not asking an easy to answer question. I would imagine much of the lifestyle difference depends on where in Thailand you decide to live. I guarantee there will be a major set of differences in living, let's say, in Surin than there would be living in Bangkok. And living in Bangkok would be quite different from living in Pattaya. Not only that, but many differences don't necessarily manifest themselves quickly. Many take years to evolve.

I'll talk about Pattaya since that is where I live. My life here now is very different from when I was a holiday maker. I think it is probably similar to any resort city in the world. It's one thing to go there for a holiday and quite another to live there.

My guess is many setting their sights on living in Pattaya are seeing life in the bars and on the beach. Maybe for some, that's the way it works out. In my own case I don't remember the last time I went to the beach and it is rare for me to be seen in any of the bars. It certainly helps to be able to speak Thai, although I've never learned to read it. There is plenty of English and I've never had a need to read it.

Some people drive and some rely on public transportation. But just like living anywhere else you still have to go shopping, buy groceries, find the places you need to be, etc. Over time you get to know the city backwards and forwards. You know where to go to find what you're looking for. You eventually find all the places tourists never realize even exist. And to this day I still sometimes find places I didn't know existed.

You also meet people, both Thai and farang, and develop close friendships. You learn who you can truly depend on.

In any case, if someone is anticipating living in Thailand, I believe the biggest mistake is thinking your lifestyle living here is going to be the same as when you were on holiday here. At first it really might be, but over time that is going to change and evolve. It also is different for everybody. I know several farang living in Pattaya who are in the bars nearly every night. For me, I don't care much whether I ever set foot in the bars again or not. I suppose losing interest in the bars would be on my "unexpected" list, but then again I never expected Pattaya's bar scene to change so drastically to what it is now. If anything, I would have expected the bar scene to just get better and better rather than nearly becoming extinct. I never expected that to happen.

For me, the most glaring unexpected thing has been the food. Thai food, as many of you know, can be heavily, very heavily, spiced up with hot peppers. For a long time I couldn't eat it, but over time I have been able to adjust to it and very often find myself preferring it. I definitely never expected that.

The thing to do, if possible, is spend as much time as you can living in Thailand as a resident rather than a holiday maker before committing to living here. Leave yourself an escape route in case things don't work out the way you hoped. Thailand is not for everybody. I know people like me who wouldn't dream of living anywhere else. And I know people who tried it, ended up disappointed, and left.

[BKKDreamer]

I am responding from Budapest (April 2023).
I moved to Thailand in September 2022 and I remained in Jomtien until March 2023 - when an opportunity came up with my ex-employer that I jumped on - as I was unexpectedly getting bored in Jomtien. However, I will come back when this assignment is done and try to work harder on not getting bored.

Gaydaddy - on one of the other forums - I believe in the Gayguides forum - wrote a post many months ago that rubbed me the wrong way. He asked the question, "Do expats in Pattaya get bored sitting in their condos that look out onto the sea?"

This question really bothered me at the time because to have a condo in Jomtien that looked out onto the sea was a fulfillment of many of my retirement dreams. So, I thought to myself, this Gaydaddy guy is crazy - how can someone get bored in paradise?

Well, I eventually did get bored - because as Jun asks in this very good thought provoking post, "In particular, what differences were unexpected ?", it was that I got bored and this for me was unexpected.

How did this happen (when I reflect on it - it is my fault) ?

Firstly, I lost my purpose. Back in Europe, my purpose in life has always been centered around the former importance of my career. With NO career (because I retired), I lost my sense of purpose.

Did I try to get a new purpose in Thailand?

Yes, but they all failed. They were:

1.) I had BIG ideas to help with the Supertown web page system and related social media. Unfortunately, I allowed someone that I do not even know in one of the other forums - with his threats to report me to the police if I attempted to work with the webmaster - consequently, this created fear in me and I abandoned that idea.
--> I had big hopes for that project (assuming that I could have convinced the webmaster to allow me to fulfill those ideas) - as I wanted to:
a.) make the Supertown web pages to also include and/or link to Boyztown and Sunee Plaza - as they are excluded - and consequently give a fragmented view on the true gay life in the greater Pattaya area,
b.) include the other gay businesses that are on the outer perimeter of the Supertown walls - those on Second Road and on Thappraya Road - why are they excluded? because they are outside of the walls of the medieval city ?
c.) add a section to the existing web page on Retirement in Pattaya - with different subject matter sections - when I was making the retirement transition - I had so many questions and it was really hard to find a central repository with good information.

2.) I tried to help one of the bar managers get resettled into other businesses - only to fail - because I do not yet understand Thai culture and Buddhist ways,

3.) I tried to help my 2 favorite masseurs get out of their constant poverty misery - but again - they are RIGID to positive change and consequently wallow in their self-inflicted (due to Thai societal norms and again Buddhist ways) poverty.

4.) I acted as an ambassador to visiting expats who were on vacation and wanted a wing-man to tag along with them. This experience was 60% successful - so more a positive than a negative. The negative part is that these fellow forum members are in vacation mode and want to have FULL days - sight seeing during the day time and them partying all night. I found it very exhausting to keep up with them especially if I had already agreed to be a wingman to back-to-back expat visitors - I found that I needed down time to recharge my sanity, energy, health, and wallet.

So, what will I do when I come back later this year (lessons learned):

1.) not allow myself to be harassed by unknown forum poster(s) who threaten me when I want to do something legal,
2.) try to understand Thai culture and Buddhist ways that seem to impede our Thai friends from having success and from escaping from self-inflicted poverty,
3.) make one or two farang friends who are living in the Pattaya area with similar likes as mine - I found one - a new Youtuber - but he hardly has any free time to hang out with me as he has many friends and resulting engagements,
4.) continue being an ambassador for visiting fellow forum expats - but setup more boundaries to avoid that I become so exhausted.

ok, sorry that this is long winded. Being back in cold Europe and working again has given me time to reflect on how I lost my purpose by retiring in Thailand and what are the ways to regain a sense of purpose when I will return.

What did you guys do after your retired to NOT lose your sense of purpose/identity ?

[Gaybutton]

What did you guys do after your retired to NOT lose your sense of purpose/identity ?

For me, running this board probably does most to fulfill that.

Your entire post is why I always try to convince people who seriously consider retiring in Thailand to spend a good 6 months or so giving it a try before committing. People should leave themselves an escape route in case it doesn't work out. As I said, living in Thailand isn't for everybody.

Trying to help others seems to be your main interest. Maybe you were trying to help the wrong people. Perhaps you should join groups, such as American Legion, that do charitable work - and no, you don't need a work permit for that. You need a work permit if what you're doing is a job that could gainfully employ Thais. Instead of getting upset because some anonymous schmuck got his jollies by threatening you for no reason other than being mean, simply go to immigration, tell them what you have in mind to do, and ask them if it is allowable without a work permit. If the answer is yes, it is allowable, it can't hurt anything to try to get that in writing.

Some suggestions:

1. Start going to a language school or hiring a tutor and work on learning to speak Thai. Being able to speak the language at any level helps enormously.

2. Get a Thai driving license and maybe rent a motorbike or car from a reputable agency and start exploring - and just make damned sure about insurance. If you do decide to live here permanently, that's when I would buy rather than rent.

3. Make friends with farang who do live here. If you can get invited to their homes you will have a great opportunity to see how they are living and what they do. If you want to venture out to "The Dark Side" you're welcome to drop by my place if you wish. You might also want to contact Dodger. He lives in Bang Saray, a few miles south of Pattaya. I can't speak for him, but I'll bet if you ask nicely he would love to show you around his area, which is totally different from life in Pattaya.

4. Take trips to other parts of Thailand and start exploring the country. If you make friends with any of the boys, you might offer to take them on a trip to their home town, meet their families, probably be treated like a king, and the boy will show you around areas you would never find on your own. I've done that many times and still do with who I am closest with. Some of those trips are the most memorable experiences I've had in Thailand and I have never regretted any of them.

In my opinion, the only way to become that bored is if you limit yourself to viewing the ocean from your residence, going to the beach, and going to the bars every night. Some thrive on that, but if that constitutes the bulk of your life, it can become very old, very fast.

[BKKDreamer]

Thanks GB.
Your response and suggestions are truly appreciated.

I align with what you said when you mentioned that running this board gave you a sense of purpose. That was what I was hoping for by helping with the Supertown website and social media. I feel that it has so much potential to make Pattaya a better known retirement destination, as I do not believe that it is well known by the younger generations that would come after our generations have passed on. It would be nice to leave a legacy for them?

And yes, I agree that I need to go to a Thai language school. I fear that it will be an enormous struggle, as I am a slow learner. It took me 3 long years to learn Italian, and it is way more easier than learning Thai.

Thanks for the invite to visit you in the dark side - I would be up for that. Evertime I go to Mots Services in the dark side I think of you. Also, when I went to the Burapa Motorbike event, that was deep into the dark side - literally.

I forgot to mention that I found some of the PCEC meetings to be very rewarding and informative. Thanks to them I discovered the Burapa event.

[Gaybutton]

Mots is about 5 minutes from my house.

I doubt learning Thai is anywhere near as difficult as you think. You don't need to become fluent unless you want to and the more you interact with Thais, the more you'll pick up on your own. Try watching some Thai TV stations too. The shows all suk, but you'll pic up some Thai.

Don't forget to check with immigration about working on those web sites. If you are not being paid for it, maybe there won't be a problem. But make sure first. As a matter of fact, I'd make sure no matter what you decide to do.

[Jun]

Good comments & good advice offered so far.

1 I think the "purpose in life" issue would usually be applicable when switching from working to retired, whether retired in Thailand or not.
I interpret "purpose in life" as having something satisfying to occupy my time.
At home, I do gardening, cycling, walking reading and unfortunately frittering my time away on the internet.
On holiday when in one location, it's more reading, having coffee and walking. Plus chasing boys and going out in the evening occasionally. Also I usually spend several weeks in Pattaya, then several weeks travelling.
I suspect if I moved to Thailand, I'd either need to join a gym or get some exercise equipment.
Walking a lot works in Dec~ February. I suspect it will be less appealing when the sun is higher in the sky (no shade) or during the wet season. Plus something slightly more strenuous than walking is needed.

I certainly see the need for physical exercise and travel.
I appreciate this perspective may change later in life.

2 Advising boys. Already mentioned in another thread, where perhaps the topic belongs. Some of them have very little idea about setting themselves up with the skill sets and savings for their post money boy careers. Just don't expect to change that. https://gaybuttonthai.com/viewtopic.php?t=11235

[Gaybutton]

or during the wet season.

That really is not a problem. During the rainy season, the rains usually last about 45 minutes and then that's it for the day. An hour later you wouldn't know it had rained at all. And much of the time it happens in the middle of the night and the early morning hours, although it does often manage to happen just when you're about to go out for dinner or go to the bars. And it doesn't necessarily rain every day.

The rainy (or monsoon) season usually starts around July and comes to a sudden halt some time in October.