George Carlin’s Points to Ponder

Post Reply
User avatar
Posts: 15759
Joined: Sat Jul 31, 2010 11:21 am
Location: Thailand
Has thanked: 1 time
Been thanked: 626 times

George Carlin’s Points to Ponder

Post by Gaybutton » Sat Aug 04, 2018 2:02 pm

Everything has been so serious lately. I thought this would be a good time to take a little break.

Feel free to add to Mr. Carlin's list . . .

George Carlin’s Points to Ponder

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he
become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?

4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in . . . what
happens to the other penny?

8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar not
called a racist?

12. Why are a wise man and a wise guys opposite?

13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is
the longest sentence?

16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be
delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry
cleaners depressed?

17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

19. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then
it dawned on me . .they're cramming for their final exam.

21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered
what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write
to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for
them while they deliver the mail?

23. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

25. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

26. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

27. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

28. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

29. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

30. Do people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of “Evian” water know that spelling it
backwards is “Naive?”

31. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

32. if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are
known as the "Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee Titans ?

33. If 4 out of 5 people “suffer” from diarrhea... does that mean the fifth one
enjoys it?

Post Reply