Finding Mr. Right - If You're So Inclined

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Dodger
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Re: Finding Mr. Right - If You're So Inclined

Post by Dodger » Sat Jul 27, 2019 2:01 pm

Based on my experience, trying to maintain a long-distance relationship is like climbing Mt. Everest with leather dress shoes. For every one step forward - you slide back five.

I did this with my current partner for several years before retiring, although, based on mistakes I made in the past, I avoided making any long-term commitments, getting too emotionally involved, or carving out any real concrete plans for the future. We just enjoyed our time together when I was here on holiday....said our goodbyes...chatted on the phone once a week...reunited when I returned..., and so the wheel turned. It wasn't until 6 months before my retirement that we actually started discussing long-term plans involving our relationship, living arrangements, etc.. Fortunately, and with a good tail wind, things worked out very well.

Unlike some, I get bored to death with village life and if it weren't for a few craft projects I enjoy doing during my short visits to my boyfriend's home, my visits to Isaan would be few and far between. I respect and appreciate the culture, although have very little in common with them, and have no inclinations whatsoever on going native. That being said, an important aspect of our relationship is understanding that a balance between our time in Isaan and civilization is important.

After reading some the responses on this thread, as well as responses on other similar threads over the years, it's apparent that many farang do in fact enjoy successful long-term relationships with younger Thai boyfriends, some exceeding 10 or even 15 years which blows the law of averages right out of the water.

I would be interested in knowing how many of these relationships are "Monogamous" versus "Open". Any takers?

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Re: Finding Mr. Right - If You're So Inclined

Post by Undaunted » Sat Jul 27, 2019 2:22 pm

Such relationships as Dodger references are inherently doomed from the start taking into account the very huge age difference, the huge cultural differences let alone the huge financial inequality. With an age difference of almost 40 years the time will come when the farang becomes somewhat less interested in carnal pleasures leaving his young companion to naturally seek fulfillment elsewhere. Here is a pic of those that choose not to believe this:


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Re: Finding Mr. Right - If You're So Inclined

Post by fountainhall » Sat Jul 27, 2019 4:20 pm

Undaunted wrote:
Sat Jul 27, 2019 2:22 pm
Such relationships as Dodger references are inherently doomed from the start taking into account the very huge age difference, the huge cultural differences let alone the huge financial inequality.
I think that is generally a piece of nonsense. I know several farang who have met their boyfriends in a bar, a disco/club or via the apps. One Thai was a university student with at the time almost zero income. He and his partner have now been together for 22 years, there is a 30 year age gap, they live together in London where the Thai has a good managerial job and they were married a few years ago.

Another met a Thai young man 15 years ago from the apps. It so happened he ran his own small business in Bangkok. There is an age difference of 38 years. They have been together ever since. live together in Bangkok and the Thai is now a great deal wealthier than the farang, who with various pensions is far from poor. They also got married some years ago in London.

There are many similar cases. Whether or not a relationship is monogamous is, I reckon, quite immaterial. That is entirely up to the partners. Just because one older farang happens to prefer the butterfly bar life and prefers sleeping around does not mean that all farang are the same and that all circumstances are the same. Huge age differences, huge cultural differences, huge financial inequality as referenced by undaunted are certainly not to be taken lightly. To suggest that partnerships in that situation are inevitably doomed, though, is just ridiculous!

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Re: Finding Mr. Right - If You're So Inclined

Post by Gaybutton » Sat Jul 27, 2019 5:05 pm

fountainhall wrote:
Sat Jul 27, 2019 4:20 pm
There are many similar cases.
I agree. There certainly are. But as far as I have seen over the years, there are a great many more that fail.

I believe the relationships with the best chance of success are the ones that kind of just happen. The ones that I've seen most often fail are the ones established by farang who come to Thailand trying to seek a relationship, and all too often eventually find themselves in a bad one.


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Re: Finding Mr. Right - If You're So Inclined

Post by RichLB » Sat Jul 27, 2019 8:11 pm

I got this from Youtube's List 25 and thought it might serve as a checklist warning against doomed relationships. These are 25 characteristics of toxic relationships.

1 You're always walking on egg shells.
2 You feel drained
3 The overall norm in the relationship is negativity.
4 You feel disrespected
5 There's no trust between the two of you.
6 There's no communication between you.
7 You're abused - emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually.
8 You behave non authentically.
9 You feel trapped.
10 You feel you are being undermined and undervalued.
11 You're constantly being criticized.
12 Their happiness is all that matters.
13 There's no growth.
14 There's always drama.
15 There's no give and take.
16 You feel uneasy around them.
17 If group membership is essential, that's not good.
18 They are controlling.
19 You give each other ultimatums.
20 You coerce or are coerced
21 Your thoughts or feelings are dismissed.
22 They make you feel bad about your successes.
23 You feel worse about yourself in the relationship.
24 There's no sense of relationship security.
25 They try to cut you off from your support network.

I suppose these apply to non romantic relationships as well.

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Re: Finding Mr. Right - If You're So Inclined

Post by Dodger » Sun Jul 28, 2019 11:56 am

Gaybutton wrote:
Sat Jul 27, 2019 5:05 pm

I agree. There certainly are. But as far as I have seen over the years, there are a great many more that fail.
I couldn't agree more, but after witnessing the personalities and behaviors of some farang it's perfectly understandable.

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Re: Finding Mr. Right - If You're So Inclined

Post by Undaunted » Sun Jul 28, 2019 12:28 pm

Dodger wrote:
Sun Jul 28, 2019 11:56 am
Gaybutton wrote:
Sat Jul 27, 2019 5:05 pm

I agree. There certainly are. But as far as I have seen over the years, there are a great many more that fail.
I couldn't agree more, but after witnessing the personalities and behaviors of some farang it's perfectly understandable.
Of course a Thai boy could never be at fault :!:.
I can't help thinking this entire thread which you began is an attempt consiously or not to convince yourself of the viability of your current "relationship".
"In the land of the blind the one eyed man is king"

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Re: Finding Mr. Right - If You're So Inclined

Post by fountainhall » Sun Jul 28, 2019 1:27 pm

Undaunted wrote:
Sun Jul 28, 2019 12:28 pm
I can't help thinking this entire thread which you began is an attempt consiously or not to convince yourself of the viability of your current "relationship".
Shame on you, undaunted! That is a disgraceful comment!

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Re: Finding Mr. Right - If You're So Inclined

Post by Gaybutton » Sun Jul 28, 2019 1:44 pm

Gents, do we really have to start getting personal with each other? Don't you know by now that I, uhhhhh, frown upon that?

I really don't want to start deleting posts, so no more of that, ok?

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Re: Finding Mr. Right - If You're So Inclined

Post by Dodger » Sun Jul 28, 2019 2:58 pm

Undaunted wrote:
Sun Jul 28, 2019 12:28 pm

I can't help thinking this entire thread which you began is an attempt consiously or not to convince yourself of the viability of your current "relationship".
At least you're thinking!

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