Finding Mr. Right - If You're So Inclined

[Gaybutton]

I am also uncomfortable using the word 'boy' when referring to a boyfriend/partner. I agree it seems at least slightly condescending.

That does not mean, though, that once a one-night off develops into the start of a relationship the same term should be used.

I don't see anything wrong with referring to them as boys. I can't think of a better term that would make me feel any more comfortable. If a relationship starts, for me the term 'boy' becomes 'boyfriend.'

[windwalker]

I am also uncomfortable using the word 'boy' when referring to a boyfriend/partner. I agree it seems at least slightly condescending.

The use of the word "boy" to refer to just about every male in Thailand is derogatory and its use should be discontinued.

[Gaybutton]

The use of the word "boy" to refer to just about every male in Thailand is derogatory and its use should be discontinued.

Why? What is the derogatory part? Why is referring to boys as boys derogatory? Please explain it to me.

[RichLB]

Why? What is the derogatory part? Why is referring to boys as boys derogatory? Please explain it to me.

Ok, let me give it a shot. The term "boy" denotes a person of lesser status. Try referring to an African-American in the US as "boy" and you'll soon learn how toxic the term might be. Of course, context rules how the word is construed. A boyfriend refers to either partner in a relation ship and go-go boy, like go-go girl, refers to profession and not status. I'm sure that most of us who refer to our mates as "my boy" don't mean to imply they are somehow possessions, but words matter and shape the way we think.

[Gaybutton]

The term "boy" denotes a person of lesser status.

I don't see it that way at all. I don't see it as any more derogatory than Thais calling us farang. I see nothing derogatory about either. To me, it's the context that counts, not the word itself.

Using the reference 'boy' in Thailand is hardly comparable to the context when directing it to a black American. Those are totally different things.

In any case, what would your alternative be? I often use 'young gents' as an alternative, but I don't see why we have to find one expression and then we all have to stick to that.

To me, all these politically correct phrases are just nonsense. My favorite one is Native Americans. Throughout most of my years living in Florida, I lived literally next door to a Seminole reservation. You know what they would tell me? They disliked being called Native Americans. They preferred being called Indians. So much for politically correct.

When the boys start telling us they dislike being called boys, that's when I'll listen about finding another way to refer to them. The last thing that interests me is when it's farang, not the boys, doing the objecting.

[Dodger]

In Thai culture, the term "Boy" (Dek phuchay) is widely used to describe males, regardless of their age, up until the time they're married. I personally prefer not using the term in reference to my boyfriend, because, as Fountainhall noted, it sounds a bit condescending from a western perspective. When a Thai is involved in a long term relationship, regardless if it's a relationship between two gays, or a str8 couple who have bonded through marriage, their family members and friends tend to start using the term "chay" (man) versus "dek phuchay" (boy).

A factor that can't be ignored, is that on average, there's a 40 year age gap between a gay farang and his Thai counterpart. In reality, if you and your partner were in the same age bracket you would most likely view him, and refer to him comfortably, as "a man". This would be natural. But when you're partnering with someone who is old enough to be your son, or grandson, or in some cases, great grandson, you may or may not actually conceptualize him as a "man" in the traditional sense, but rather view him as he naturally is, a boy (in Thai culture), or young man (in western culture). To a Thai, these matters are totally insignificant. A farang's personality is judged far more by his actions and what they see inside, rather than his words, or for that matter, his pocketbook.

[RichLB]

I don't see it that way at all. I don't see it as any more derogatory than Thais calling us farang. I see nothing derogatory about either. To me, it's the context that counts, not the word itself.

Exactly, the term farang denotes non-Thai; the word "boy" refers to status. Quite different things.
And, sorry, I don't know how to include multiple quotes in the same response, but you state that Native Americans prefer to be called Indians. I doubt that and assume it is based on your own perceptions.
As tp political correctness linguistically...you're right, it can be extended to the extreme. But, recognize that not only do we speak and we think, we also think as we speak.
But in fairness, recognize that language is fluid - meaning words and phrases change over time. At one time "gay" was considered as derogatory as "fag", "sissy", "pansy", etc. Meanings change and maybe "boy: does too.

[Dodger]

If you're using a term (any term) when you are in Thailand that is commonly used and acceptable in Thai culture, I fail to see how it could be considered unacceptable.

If you were a 68 year old man laying in bed next to a 19 year old male from Thailand, would you think of him as "Man" or Boy"? If your answer is "Boy", then go ahead and use the term. It's not only acceptable, but appropriate considering the age gap. If the answer is "Man", then you'd better start brushing up on the topic of "Denial". Either that, or get your eyes examined.

[Gaybutton]

Exactly, the term farang denotes non-Thai; the word "boy" refers to status. Quite different things.

The word boy refers to status? Since when? I have never heard it used that way in Thailand and have never heard any of the boys say they see it that way.

If you think calling them boys is derogatory, I asked you what your alternative would be. You didn't answer that question.

And, sorry, I don't know how to include multiple quotes in the same response, but you state that Native Americans prefer to be called Indians. I doubt that and assume it is based on your own perceptions.

You're definitely wrong about that. I heard that directly from them, young and old, and more than once. If you call a male "chief" (unless he really is the tribal chief) or a female "squaw," now they'd be upset.

[Dodger]

A neutral word that is commonly used by Thais is “fan”. Basically “fan” means boyfriend or girlfriend (this term has no gender).