Being Unfaithful

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Being Unfaithful

If my partner were unfaithful, and I was allowed to choose, I would prefer him to be unfaithful sexually without any emotional attachment.
29
88%
If my partner were unfaithful, and I was allowed to choose, I would prefer him to be unfaithful emotionally without any sexual component.
4
12%
 
Total votes: 33

jaafar

Re: Being Unfaithful

Post by jaafar »

lvdkeyes wrote:Did it ever occur to you that the whole premise of that kind of relationship just sets up a scenario that is doomed to fail?
Lots of monogamous relationships fail, and lots of "loosely-coupled" relationships go on for years. :shock:
thaiworthy

Re: Being Unfaithful

Post by thaiworthy »

lvdkeyes wrote:Another poorly worded poll IMO. My choice would be that he can be unfaithful in any way he wants, but not while he is supposed to be committed to me. I would show him the door, as I have done in the past.
I agree. Not only poorly worded, but not enough options. I don't believe in just these two scenarios. There is no black and white, but there are many shades of gray. Doesn't opening the door to the other's sexual relationships also present an opportunity to open a door to emotional ones as well? And what about pre-existing emotional relationships? Do we all marry virgins in Pattaya?

I'm not perfect, but if both agree to monogamy, and he violates it, I might refresh his memory as to where that door is located.
thaiworthy

Re: Being Unfaithful

Post by thaiworthy »

jaafar wrote:
lvdkeyes wrote:Did it ever occur to you that the whole premise of that kind of relationship just sets up a scenario that is doomed to fail?
Lots of monogamous relationships fail, and lots of "loosely-coupled" relationships go on for years. :shock:
I agree, Jaafar, there are exceptions to everything. Please don't take offense, but the point is to prevent such relationships from going that far in the first place. How many monogamous relationships fail compared to how many of those "loosely-coupled?"
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Bob
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Re: Being Unfaithful

Post by Bob »

I voted for option #1 for the reason that I don't see a simple sex act as a relationship.

We westerners are so hung up on sex (in my case, thank you very fucking much, Catholic Church!) that I personally think that too many of us tend to not distinguish between sex and a relationship. I don't see them as the same at all unless, of course, the sex outside the relationship happens to occur all the time or multiple times with the same outsider. A relationship, to me, involves some fairly significant emotional bonds that are way beyond only sex.

If somebody is in a long-term relationship and happens to have a happy ending at a massage joint once a year, that somehow makes him a cheater responsible for ruining the long-term relationship? I'm sure Jerry Falwell would pull out the fire-and-brimstone act for that transgression but I don't see it as anything meriting a morality-laden description. And I suppose some would go so far as to suggest that masturbation is somehow breaching one's fidelity to one's partner.

I also don't believe that one of the partners (the falang or the Thai) having sex outside the relationship on rare occasion as all that big a deal. It's only sex, it's not a relationship.
cdnmatt

Re: Being Unfaithful

Post by cdnmatt »

Bob wrote:We westerners are so hung up on sex (in my case, thank you very fucking much, Catholic Church!) that I personally think that too many of us tend to not distinguish between sex and a relationship.
I'm sorry, but I don't think it has anything to do with being a Westerner. I know lots of Thais who would be totally heart-broken, and throw a complete rage if they ever found out their other half was having an affair on them.

That's just human nature. You can't get THAT close to someone, then be able to easily say, "Ohhh, you had sex last night with a friend of yours? No worries, I love you anyway.". It's impossible, and goes against the most natural of human instincts we have. And for anyone who believes I'm wrong, then I'm sorry, but you're probably not as close to your other half than you think you are.
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Bob
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Re: Being Unfaithful

Post by Bob »

cdnmatt wrote: I'm sorry, but I don't think it has anything to do with being a Westerner. I know lots of Thais who would be totally heart-broken, and throw a complete rage if they ever found out their other half was having an affair on them.
Well, I think the Westerners tend to attach more notions of morality (SIN!) with it than do the Thais. And, while I'm sure there are many Thais who would react as you suggest, the married Thais as a group (just my opinion) have more "mia nois" and visits to prostitutes than has ever been seen in the US. I don't think they view it as that big a deal (and I happen to agree with that).
thaiworthy

Re: Being Unfaithful

Post by thaiworthy »

cdnmatt wrote:That's just human nature. You can't get THAT close to someone, then be able to easily say, "Ohhh, you had sex last night with a friend of yours? No worries, I love you anyway.". It's impossible, and goes against the most natural of human instincts we have. And for anyone who believes I'm wrong, then I'm sorry, but you're probably not as close to your other half than you think you are.
So true . . .
cdnmatt

Re: Being Unfaithful

Post by cdnmatt »

Bob wrote:Well, I think the Westerners tend to attach more notions of morality (SIN!) with it than do the Thais.
Depends what you're thinking of. Sex in general? Yeah, Westerners are definitely WAY more hung-up on it than Thais are. Two big things are having sex with multiple people and enjoying your life, and prostitution. I don't see a problem with either. As long as both parties agree, who gives a shit, right? In that way, Thais are definitely more open about sex.

With infidelity though? Nah, if anything I would wager Thais are far more aggressive when it comes to infidelity then Westerners are. If you're in a serious relationship with a Thai, it's the same as the West, and you're not allowed to cheat. I'd even say it's more aggressive than the West in that way. If I ever cheated on Kim, he'd be totally heart broken, and end the relationship instantly. He's not shallow enough to stay with me for financial benefit.
RichLB
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Re: Being Unfaithful

Post by RichLB »

I'm somewhat in agreement with Bob on this one. Part of me actually wants my boyfriend to have sexual adventures with others (not sure how big a part of me that is, though). My thinking is influenced by my memories of me as a child or the 60's and those libertine, no holds barred, sex filled nights with just about anything that walked. It was before HIV reared it's ugly head and sex was fun and as far as we knew without consequences. As I dodder into old age, I am overjoyed I had those experiences. My Thai boyfriend is far younger than I am, and when he reaches my age and I am gone I hope he can think back to similar fun. I'd hate his memories to be restricted to just thoughts of me. I don't want him to ever think that his love for me made him sacrifice those pleasures and regret he limited his relative youth on a far from super studly guy.
jaafar

Re: Being Unfaithful

Post by jaafar »

RichLB's last comment brought back a very clear memory of a conversation with a man who had done exactly that: he had fallen in love at age 16 or 18 and spent 10 or 11 years in a very strictly monogamous relationship --- which ended. And, when we talked, he was pushing 30 and had had exactly one other person in his life. He was wondering "what happened to my youth?" (I've heard the same thing from young doctors who emerge from all their schooling at age 33 and realize they're already middle-aged.)

Another thought (and I'm sure of this one!) is that the end of a relationship does not always translate as "failure." Sometimes it's a huge win for both parties. ;)
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