Lonely without a boyfriend

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Lonely without a boyfriend

Post by Farangholiday » Mon Aug 13, 2018 1:00 am

I met a farang yesterday in a bar who lives fulltime in Pattaya, he was I guess in his 60’s and retired and he told me he would not be living here in Pattaya if it wasnt for his boyfriend.

Apparently he had tried to get him into the US but to no avail.

Anyway to cut a long story short he said he could not live without a boyfriend,he needed someone to care for him as he does to them.

His BF of 6 years was 36 he told me and he then told me its the greatest thing to be in love.

Personally i dont think I have ever really been in love with someone and I told him that and he then said I am missing out on a lot.

He then started discussing those farang expats who live in Thailand who are butterflys but deep down lonely mentally and compensate psychologically by offing boys and pretending they are friends or boyfriends .

If you are a expat in Thailand with no boyfriend, can I ask if your lonely,do you get lonely by yourself ?
How do you combat that ? Do you need someone in your life to love and be loved?

Who will care for you when you're sick?

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Re: Lonely without a boyfriend

Post by Dodger » Mon Aug 13, 2018 4:22 am

Good question!

I have spent two decades bouncing between Butterfly and being hitched with a partner and never could even figure out my own motives let alone the motives of others. My first relationship with a bar boy lasted 8 years. It was a disaster and ended tragically. My second lasting 8 days after I married a monk. I haven't the foggiest idea why I did that.

I can honestly say that I never remember really feeling lonely especially during the good old days in Pattaya for the mere fact that there was just too much fun to be had during those days. Sunee Plaza back then made Sodom and Gomorrah look like a tea party at Martha Walters and the only time I ever felt lonely was on the plane ride home.

I have many expat friends residing in Pattaya and only a few them have full-time line-in partners. Most seem content remaining Butterfly's, although I often sense a hint of loneliness when I hear them talking and observing their behaviors. Who's to say which alternative is best. To each their own.

Being torn between the option of being a Butterfly of having a young Thai partner to shack up with is a pretty nice option to have considering the fact that aging gay men residing in other countries don't have any options. That's where I think the real boredom would come into play.

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Re: Lonely without a boyfriend

Post by Undaunted » Mon Aug 13, 2018 6:17 am

In my opinion the wrong place to live if you want a relationship...too many distractions. The OP states the falang is in his sixties his boyfriend is 36. Those falangs who have a boyfriend in his twenties are very unrealistic, does he really want to be with a grandfather? Forward 10 years the falang is in his seventies the b/f mid thirties generally the thought of this being a success is a mere fantasy.
"In the land of the blind the one eyed man is king"

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Re: Lonely without a boyfriend

Post by fedssocr1 » Mon Aug 13, 2018 6:58 am

I don't know that you can really generalize. Depends on a lot of factors. As a pretty strong introvert I am generally quite happy on my own. I do not live in Thailand but I am not sure that matters a huge amount other than possible social isolation related to cultural and language issues. I do have a handful of close friends who help when I really need it (like getting me home from medical appointments when I am not allowed to drive).

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Re: Lonely without a boyfriend

Post by Gaybutton » Mon Aug 13, 2018 7:10 am

I'm not going to get into a debate about having or not having a boyfriend. On this board that's a many-time "been there, done that."

I do have a couple thoughts, though:

1. "Who will care for you when you're sick?" - I didn't know until now that if I need someone to care for me when I'm sick, that requires having a boyfriend. In my opinion, fear of not having some sort of caretaker is a wrong reason to seek a boyfriend.

2. I know many farang who have boyfriends here in Thailand. Some are very happy and wouldn't have it any other way. Some are absolutely miserable and wish they had never met their boyfriend. Based on the people I know, there seems to be no middle ground. It's either one way or the other.

3. I still go by the late Richard Burk's philosophy. I've lost count as to how many times I've posted it over the years. Here it is once again:
"If you want love in Thailand, rent it."

Other than that, I have nothing more to say on the subject.

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Re: Lonely without a boyfriend

Post by fountainhall » Mon Aug 13, 2018 8:34 am

Farangholiday wrote:Personally i dont think I have ever really been in love with someone and I told him that and he then said I am missing out on a lot.
We are all different. I have had periods in my life when I have been very much in love and could not imagine life without my partner. I could not imagine being without the daily contact with him, the routine of day-to-day life and the sharing of travel when our vacations coincided. But then all have been professional type guys who had rarely known the bar scene. There have also been periods when I have been on my own but I am hardly ever lonely. I have work and hobbies, I travel a lot and I have a number of close friends. Although single at present, I cannot imagine a life without having been truly in love - even if only for a few years rather than a lifetime.
Farangholiday wrote:Who will care for you when you're sick?
I have seen this asked on boards in other Asian countries, especially by guys in their 30s and 40s. I really have no answer other than family, friends and hospitals. The idea of spending a lifetime - or even just years - with someone whom you don’t really love only in the expectation you will be looked after towards the end of life seems such a waste of a life.

Decades ago It was suggested to me that I read a book by Jane Roberts titled “The Nature of Personal Reality.” I won’t go into its rather complicated background - and it is complicated! However it is one of those rare books that did change my outlook on life. It made me realise that we humans are not blown around by the winds of fate. We create our own reality and we have it within us to change that reality. Now it seems fairly obvious. In my early 30s, it was far less so.


Re: Lonely without a boyfriend

Post by Farangholiday » Mon Aug 13, 2018 8:34 am

Guys I received some great stories via personal messages,I wonder why you dont wish for everyone else to see too ?

I respect your wishes but please consider.

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Re: Lonely without a boyfriend

Post by Geezer » Mon Aug 13, 2018 9:25 am

Eighteen years ago impressed with a lad’s appearance and demeanor, I offed him from Boys Boys Boys, and offed him the following two nights as well. I told him if he would quit the bar to take care of me I would give him 25,000 baht a month, a handsome sum those eighteen years ago. He said he first needed to talk to the bar's manager.

The manager said it would be no problem if he wished to leave, but if he then wished to return he must pay a considerable fine. It was obvious if he were to come with me he would have to trust me not to dismiss him after a couple of weeks.

By the same token, I felt if I expected him to trust me I must be willing to trust him. I told him I would give him 50,000 baht immediately in payment for the first two months, and would trust him to stay with me.

When he came to my room the following night, he told me his parents had a problem, and he needed to return home to Pitchit in the morning to deal with it.

What could I do?

I had given him 50,000 baht and he was going home to an impoverished village where no one had ever seen 50,000 baht The next morning I bade him farewell knowing I would likely never see him again.

The following evening, assuming he would not return, I offed a lad from Boyz Boyz Boyz again, and took him up to my room at the Ambience. We had just got down to business when the phone rang. The desk clerk said there was a boy to see me. Who on earth could it be? Leaving the boy in my room, I went down to see.

There stood the lad I never expected to see again!

"What are you doing here?", I asked.

"I have come to stay with you.", he replied.

Incredulous, I asked, "How long can you stay?"

"Forever", he replied. I practically asphyxiated him with a hug.

I went upstairs, paid, and dismissed the lad in my room.

He later told me his parents problem was a desperate need of baht.

His honor is unimpeachable.

When I came to Thailand the country was recovering from a financial collapse; the exchange rate was 45 baht to the dollar , the recovering baht was growing stronger by the day. My assets were in the US, and with the baht’s rapid recovery I was losing money fast.

I liquidated my assets in the US, and bought gold bullion in Thailand. I then discovered no bank safe deposit boxes were available. Where could I hide the gold?

By that time I had learned he had the best solution for any problem. The one I liked most was to hide it under the commode!

Inside the porcelain of the bottom part of a commode is a sizeable void. He unbolted the commode from the bathroom floor, (remember, this is the Ambiance), and deposited the gold inside. We sat on my assets fourteen years! He could have taken millions of baht and left any time.

When I moved to Chiang Mai several years ago he removed the gold, took it to Bangkok, sold it, and gave me the proceeds to deposit in banks.

I named him as the sole beneficiary in my will; then discovered Thai lawyers have devised a method of siphoning money from an iron clad will. In order to obviate the problem I transferred the accounts to him years ago. The only money I have now is that required for the annual visa renewal and the BKK account receiving deposits from the US which is emptied monthly.

Now you have some idea of his character.

In these eighteen years we have never had the first cross word. This is no credit to me; rather, it is due to his forbearance. Two are required for an argument.

He neither smokes nor drinks. His father is an alcoholic; he wants no part of that. When we are with a group drinking, he orders fruit juice.

He will not lie!

In eighteen years I have never seen him out of the house with collarless a shirt and always leather shoes and belt. Years ago I noticed he was wearing brown shoes and a black belt. I commented it is considered good taste for a man’s shoes and belt to match. Since then they have always matched.

As a consequence of the twin towers affair in New York , Americans with financial accounts abroad must submit annual reports to the treasury department to assist in detecting money laundering. In fifteen years in Thailand I accumulated ten bank accounts.

One day he saw me struggling with the government forms, and asked if I would like for him to do them. I said he couldn’t do them as they were in English, and government forms were notoriously difficult. He replied indeed he could. I gave the job to him. Now he takes the bank books, and submits the reports.

He considers it his job to take care of all irritations in my life. In a restaurant he takes care of the check (and pays the tip a Thai would pay). When we stay at a hotel I sit in the car while he checks in (at a better rate than a farang would get).

As my mobility deteriorated; I began using a wheelchair. I was concerned he had to spend an inordinate amount of time caring for me, and hadn’t time for his own life. I relocated to Dok Kaew Gardens, a superlative retirement community in Chiang Mai which I enthusiastically recommend. He asked if it would be OK if he took a wife. I told him that would please me very much, as his having a good life was, by that time, my primary concern.

During my two years at Dok Kaew Gardens he visited several times, a considerable trip from his townhouse in Pattaya. He called to say he and his wife would like to take care of me. If I liked he would buy a house in Chiang Mai or Pattaya. I said that would be wonderful. I could once again see my old farang friends in Pattaya.

I am now blissfully ensconced in Pattaya in a six room, two and a half bath house, with two roofed terraces, and a garden .

I won life’s lottery!


Re: Lonely without a boyfriend

Post by Farangholiday » Mon Aug 13, 2018 9:37 am

Thailand doesn't seem to be the same as the Philippines though where I have read that Filipino boys actively seek a foreign boyfriend to go abroad with.

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Re: Lonely without a boyfriend

Post by Geezer » Mon Aug 13, 2018 11:30 am

Well, it looks like you got me started. You asked who would care for you after you are overwhelmed with decrepitude.

One cannot understand Dok Kaew Gardens thinking of it only as a retirement community. Built fourteen years ago, it’s but a small part of a much earlier and larger endeavor begun well over a century ago. Its' mission has changed with the passage of time to meet changing needs.

In 1907 Dr. James McKean, an America Presbyterian missionary petitioned the ruler of Chang Mai, Chao Inthawarorot Suriyawong , and was given the use of an island surrounded by the Ping River on the west and a small canal to the east to create a facility where leprosy patients could receive care and housing.

Through the years, with support from around the world, the island community grew to include several thousand inhabitants, a hospital, clinics, schools, churches, farms, workshops, and several villages, all managed by the McKean center.
When effective medical treatment for leprosy was developed those resources were turned to physical rehabilitation, and the name McKean Rehabilitation Center was adopted.

Fifteen years ago, recognizing the needs of an aging population, McKean constructed the Dok Kaew Gardens complex which is comparable to facilities in western retirement centers. It occupies a 160 acre heavily forested island extending two kilometers along the Ping River. Every level of care is provided from low to high, extending to nursing home and, dementia care. There is a hospital on the campus. It’s but fifteen minutes by taxi from Chiang Mai's city wall.

How fortunate it is that the land granted to Dr. McKean over a hundred years ago is such an extensive and green environment so well suited to the development of aged care communities.

Only photos can give you an idea of the sort of place it is. The link below will take you to them. I took all of them on the island.
https://www.dropbox.com/sc/hikyrs6yieyo ... cf7N5SBxna

(When the photos appear, begin by clicking on the upper left photo. If photos don’t appear, click the “refresh” icon. If prompted to sign up to save the photos, just cancel the prompt, and continue).

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