"I not have money for pay room"

[aussie]

It might be time those bar boys who are desperate for baht looked for another job, even at a 7 to help pay their room and look for customers on the apps in their free time.

Not many will because they become addicted to the bar boy lifestyle and hanging out with their friends all night at the bar, karaokes, nightclubs etc. Another big reason why they have no money to pay their rooms.

[Gaybutton]

It might be time those bar boys who are desperate for baht looked for another job, even at a 7 to help pay their room and look for customers on the apps in their free time.

For many of these boys, finding another job is not even an option. Why? Because many of the bar boys are not Thai. Many are Burmese, Cambodian, and Laotian. They can't get hired at places such as convenience stores, hotels, or any place else that won't hire foreigners who don't have or are not eligible for work permits. They don't seem to have any problems working in the bars and perhaps a few restaurants here and there, but just about anything else is not available to them.

[Gaybutton]

if I was in GB s position, I would only give them help if they worked it off, like others have said.

Well, I'M in GB's position and I'm wondering just how you would do that. Do they work it off first, without remuneration, and then you give them the money "pay for room"? Do you give them the money and then just hope they'll show up to fulfill their "obligation"?

[Undaunted]

if I was in GB s position, I would only give them help if they worked it off, like others have said.

Rocket your post is absurd. They will say anything to get the money........ Either give it to them and say goodbye to your money or don' t give the money....... The idea of a loan with these guys is also a joke!

[Jun]

Do you give them the money and then just hope they'll show up to fulfill their "obligation"?

Well we all know that's doubtful.

However, if you get too many requests at the end of the month, payment on the basis of earning it back in the next 2 weeks would be an interesting experiment. Those who don't show up clearly don't ever get anything ever again until they have cleared their debt. So you stop any recurring requests, whilst finding out who has good character.

I suspect the success rate might be rather low & you may be better off saying no.

[Gaybutton]

I suspect the success rate might be rather low & you may be better off saying no.

Now, that's British understatement if I've ever seen it . . .

Undaunted is absolutely right when he says, "Either give it to them and say goodbye to your money or don't give the money."

If you're going to give them the money to pay for their room, then that's exactly what you're doing - giving the money. You're not going to get it back in any way shape or form. They're not going to work it off. They're not going to pay back a 'loan.'

While I'm expecting some posts from people who did manage to get something in return for helping these boys with money, they would be the exception, but definitely not the norm. If you give these boys money, it's gone. You need to understand that. If you're expecting anything else, you're living in a dream world.

Also, if you're going to be kind enough to give these boys money - boys who came to you for help because they just can't come up with the money - would you actually expect them to eventually be able to repay a 'loan'? Would you expect them to 'work it off'? When you think about it, would you really even want them to 'work it off'? Is that what you would both expect and want in return for your generosity?

If after you've helped a boy he starts coming to you on his own, without asking for or expecting more money from you, that's one thing. But if it's by some sort of arrangement in return for having given him rent money, that's entirely different. I, for one, would not want that.

If I give a boy money for reasons other than the 'tip', I'm giving it because I can afford the loss and I truly want to help him out. I'm not giving it with the expectation or desire to obligate him to anything. I could never enjoy some form of obligatory sex.

[windwalker]

Truly it is a conundrum since one cannot know the true reason for money requests. Most likely the boys try to hit up many of their clients on their calling calling list in the hope of one "bite".
I knew one boy who was always asking for money from me due to his health which I suspected was just a hard luck story to play on my emotions; then he died.
In some cases I would give them some money with the proviso that the next tryst would be a freebie. So far no freebies.

[a447]

These are working guys. If a bar boy asked for money for something and I found him attractive, I would expect to have sex with him and he would then get his money that way.

But if a regular guy was in trouble then I'd just give him the money and not expect anything in return; it's a gift. It's certainly not a loan.

I've never been asked for a loan, but I suspect that word would have a completely different meaning to the boys.

Unfortunately, 99% of the time I don't trust 99% of what 99% of the bar boys tell me.

But I often worry that one of these days I will discover the boy is actually telling the truth. If that were to happen and the outcome were serious, I'd feel really bad.

Most of the time the amounts mentioned are small - at least to us - but it's the principal here that's important. I don't want to reward someone who is telling me a lie.

A little act of kindness here and there doesn't go astray. If I see a cute guy at the counter in 7/11 (often a bar boy I know) I'll sometimes pay for his purchases. Usually it's only a couple of hundred baht, if that, and we both get something out of it. He gets the goods and I get the beautiful smile in return.

[Gaybutton]

I suspected was just a hard luck story to play on my emotions; then he died.

If that has you feeling guilty, I believe that's the wrong emotion. When you wrote that he was always asking for money due to his health, that comes across as if it was going on for months. If he never showed you any evidence of a serious health problem, that's his own fault. He could have showed you medical bills, medical reports, asked you to go to the doctor with him or something else to show he was being sincere. Even then, you would not have been under any obligation. If you went through "Why didn't I help him when I could have?" that would be a typical way to feel, but his life was not your responsibility.

That is why I'll help these boys when I can if, and only if, I know them well enough to be certain I'm being told the truth. I'm not about to be bamboozled by phony "I very sick" routines, the sick mother, the sick grandmother, "I not have money for pay room", or anything else. I'm not going to part with money on the promise that from now on "I come to you free."

Very sorry, but I'm not here to be the ATM for any boy who has a sob story.

I often worry that one of these days I will discover the boy is actually telling the truth. If that were to happen and the outcome were serious, I'd feel really bad.

Again, I think it would be a mistake to feel bad in that circumstance. If the boy didn't show any evidence or somehow prove to you he was telling the truth - or if there was no particular reason for you to take on responsibility for him in the first place, then I don't see anything for you to feel bad about.

[fountainhall]

General discussion on a thread like this is always bound to relate to personal experiences and one's own definition of what "help" means. A long time ago I did on a couple of occasions give loans but not to MBs. They were to young men who had become friends. Both promised faithfully I would be repaid. In one case I really did believe him. He brought his sister to a coffee meeting when he asked for a temporary loan to pay the key money since he was changing his apartment. In the other, I did not expect repayment. Neither paid, and the one from whom I expected reimbursement immediately disappeared from my life. Since then I have believed in the old adage, "Never lend money to friends for you will lose both the money and the friend." A gift of cash is a different matter and, like others, that is now how I regard any such assistance.

Expecting a loan to be paid off in services is as senseless as expecting the loan to be repaid in cash IMHO.