1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked
intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS.
Police in
Oakland, CA, spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had
barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters,
officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police
line, shouting, 'Please come out and give yourself up.'
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B?
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced
him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the
kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts!
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka , Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in
the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the
store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police
showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT?
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't
control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the
lineup to repeat the words: 'Give me all your money or I'll shoot', the man
shouted, 'That's not what I said!'
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?
A man spoke frantically into the phone: 'My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart'.
'Is this her first child?' the doctor asked. 'No!' the man shouted, 'This is
her husband!
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!
In Modesto , CA , Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a
Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to
simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
(Hellooooooo)!
8. THE GRAND FINALE!
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella , located in the high desert an hour east
of Bakersfield , CA.,--- some folks new to boating, were having a problem.
No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot
boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how
much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they
putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them
what was wrong.
A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition.
The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was
the correct size and pitch.
So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water, to check underneath. He came
up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!
So many morons!
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Gaybutton
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Re: So many morons!
A few I remember from Florida:
1. A would-be bank robber handed the teller a "hold-up" note written on the back of an envelope. On the front of the envelope was his own home address. Whoops!
2. A thief stole a car and took it home. Then, within a couple days, another thief stole that car from him. Incredibly, he called the police. Now both thieves are in the pokey.
3. With this one, I have to wonder about the intelligence level of the judge: While a Miami couple was out of town, a burglar broke into their home. While he was in there, he tripped over some furniture and broke his leg. He was caught. He sued the couple for negligence and he won! Unnnnnnnnnbelievable!
4. And here's one for which I think the jury was highly intelligent, not moronic. A Miami hardware store owner was plagued by a young burglar who broke into his store several times, often through a roof skylight, but the police couldn't seem to catch him. The man got sick and tired of it. He rigged up electric wiring at the skylight to give the burglar a shock next time he tried to break in. The burglar did try again, but apparently the electric shock was too strong. It killed him. The store owner was arrested. The grand jury refused to indict him. Good!
1. A would-be bank robber handed the teller a "hold-up" note written on the back of an envelope. On the front of the envelope was his own home address. Whoops!
2. A thief stole a car and took it home. Then, within a couple days, another thief stole that car from him. Incredibly, he called the police. Now both thieves are in the pokey.
3. With this one, I have to wonder about the intelligence level of the judge: While a Miami couple was out of town, a burglar broke into their home. While he was in there, he tripped over some furniture and broke his leg. He was caught. He sued the couple for negligence and he won! Unnnnnnnnnbelievable!
4. And here's one for which I think the jury was highly intelligent, not moronic. A Miami hardware store owner was plagued by a young burglar who broke into his store several times, often through a roof skylight, but the police couldn't seem to catch him. The man got sick and tired of it. He rigged up electric wiring at the skylight to give the burglar a shock next time he tried to break in. The burglar did try again, but apparently the electric shock was too strong. It killed him. The store owner was arrested. The grand jury refused to indict him. Good!
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flossie
Re: So many morons!
I beg to disagree on item 4. It's not good when someone gets killed, even if they're a burglar. People who put up electric fences surely have a duty to ensure they're not lethal. There was a case reported today in the Bangkok Post of a lady who put an electric fence round her orchard, to protect the trees which produced valuable halucinogenic leaves. A young man tried to climb over the fence and was fatally electrocuted. The lady was sentenced to several months in prison for manslaughter. I think the Thai court got it right, and the Florida grand jury got it wrong.