Darwin Awards

[Gaybutton]

As long as we have the 2012 Stella Awards posted, how about the 2012 Darwin Awards:
________________

Darwin Awards 2012

Eighth Place
In Detroit, a 41-year-old man
got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first
through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.


Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally
zoned when he ran", accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on
his daily run.

Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21,
dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in
a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5
feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying
to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using
heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead
at a hospital.

Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as
he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing.
Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to
keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the
floor.

Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as
he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded
with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the
front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing
the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was
standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber
announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.

The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers
also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the
scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended
cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot
wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one
else was hurt.

HONORABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a
quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would
happen. Apparently they failed to notice that the window was closed.


RUNNER UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when
one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local
bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more excited,
and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM.
Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one
had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking,
volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby.
They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to
the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore
his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the
icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was
never located.

AND THE WINNER IS....
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn , Germany) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses
of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes
before the plugged-up giant finally got relief. Investigators say ill-
fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an
olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.The sheer force of the
elephant's unexpected (expletive deleted) knocked Mr Riesfeldt to the ground where he
struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to drop 200 pounds
of sh#t on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents
that proves...



'Shit happens'

[Jomtienbob]

I think this year's winner will be a hard act to follow.

But where there is humanity, there is hope.

[Alex]

At least the story about the winner, unfortunate zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt, is a well-known hoax. So I wouldn't be surprised if some of the other stories aren't true either.

[Gaybutton]

a well-known hoax.

It wasn't well known to me. I had seen this story before, but never knew it is a hoax until your post. But you're right. I took a look and found the following:

http://snopes.com/critters/malice/feces.asp