Profound thoughts

[Gaybutton]

I've posted this list before, but it seems appropriate for this topic to post it again.
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THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW WITHOUT THE MOVIES

1. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

2. All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

3. Most dogs are immortal.

4. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day
parade, at any time of the year.

5. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the armpit level on a woman but
only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

6. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

7. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk
you down.

8. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off, even while scuba diving.

9. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of
looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without
difficulty.

10. If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition, even if you haven't been
carrying any before now.

11. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing
someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

12. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the
language. A German accent will do.

13. If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first
concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.

14. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

15. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman
tries to clean his wounds.

16. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

17. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill just grab one at
random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

19. Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.

20. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the
fridge door and use that light instead.

21. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most
revealing underwear.

22. From the beginning of time, all women had styled hair, wore makeup, and had shaven armpits.

23. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though
their husband and children never have time to eat it.

24. Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

25. The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish
the job.

26. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK Stadium.

27. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

28. Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of our visual
range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.

29. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

30. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.

31. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel
vigorously from left to right every few moments.

32. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know
exactly when they're going to go off.

33. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

34. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

35. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

36. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading
alien civilization.

37. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your
enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner
until you have knocked out their predecessors.

38. When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, he will never suffer a concussion
or brain damage.

39. No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will
ever go into shock.

40. Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately
assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

41. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

42. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

43. Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless it's the door to a
burning building with a child trapped inside.

44. An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight
year-old child.

45. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise
moment.

[Gaybutton]

Why do people say, "I know it like the back of my hand." ?

How well do you really know the back of your hand?