At the risk of being presumptuous, I've been encouraged to share some "skills" gleaned from Assertiveness Training. I've observed many of us are invested in being either Aggrewssive or Non-assertive in our interactions with others. These simple "skills" may help some of us step out of those predispositions. There are only 8 so give them a look. Here they are:
Aiming
Decide what you are shooting for in each situation. Whether your goal is to have $5 refunded, sell that client, or make someone fall hopelessly in love with you; when you know where you want to go, it’s an awful lot easier figuring out if what you’re doing is getting you there. Remember, if it works keep doing it. If it doesn’t, give it up.
Expressng
Freely say whatever is on your mind or in your emotions. Tell others about the good or bad sides of not only your, but their personalities, lifestyle, job, etc. Show others your interest, excitement, anger, joy, love, etc. by moving your body, not just your mouth, Recognize that others will care as much about your words as you do. So, loosen up, be a little dramatic, and entertain them.
Repeating
Calmly repeat again and again until you get what you’re after or an agreeable solution. This Action Skill mechanically forces you to stick to your guns and always aim on target. At the same time it helps you pay no attention to the manipulations other people lay on you. Avoid feeling self consciousness at parroting over and over to the other what your objectives are.
Resolving
Willingly take or offer and agreeable solution. If the result is not exactly what you were after, decide if the new one is just as good. But, if the new choice leaves you with any hurt feelings of makes you feel bad about yourself, then it’s not in your best interests to go along with it. When this happens go back to Repeating and Aiming.
Dodging
Calmly agree that the person who is lambasting you with criticism or trying to derail you with absurd arguments might be right. Use this Action Skill when the claims of the other person are manipulative and make no sense to you at all. By agreeing with the outside chance they are correct you are not giving in,
Accepting
Fess up to it when you are wrong (as measured by your own standards), When the criticism you are receiving matches your own assessment of yourself, calmly agree with the other’s point of view. No matter how loud or vigorously the person points out your flaws, simply let them know you share their judgment.
Questioning
Ask questions which will let you know more about the logic or reason behind the person’s criticism of you. Look for more thoughts or feelings they may have about you. This Action Skill can be used when the input of the other person is new to you or when its about some part of you you’ve never considered before and about which you have no preformed judgment.
Stroking
Everyone needs positive strokes. A stroke is a pat on the back or a word of recognition. Assertives freely give strokes, ask for strokes, accept them from others, reject those they don’t want, and even stroke themselves quite often. The Action Skill of Stroking takes positive reinforcement one step further, When receiving a stroke from another person, recognize they have taken a certain level of risk with you = they’ve revealed part of the Hidden Self. If the transaction is to be reciprocal and fair, it’s necessary to do more than respond with an embarrassed, “Thank you.” You should match their level of risk by revealing an equal portion of your Hidden Self. Let the other person know how the compliment affected you or give them some additional information