George Carlin's Points to Ponder

[Gaybutton]

George Carlin’s Points to Ponder

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he
become disoriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called
Holes?
3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two
cents in . . . what happens to the other penny?
8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to
begin with?
10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives
a racecar not called a racist?
12. Why are a wise man and a wise guys opposite?
13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it
be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that
electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models
deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
19. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as
they get older; then it dawned on me . .they're cramming for their final exam.
21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks
so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we
supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the
postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
23. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others
here for?
24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
25. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
26. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
27. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
28. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
29. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
30. Do people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of “Evian” water
know that spelling it backwards is “Naive?”
31. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in
a swimming pool?
32. OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa
Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee
Titans ?
33. If 4 out of 5 people “suffer” from diarrhea... does that mean the fifth one
enjoys it?

[lvdkeyes]

Not sure if these are Carlin's, but:
Why do people call it a hot water heater? Do we really need to heat hot water?
Why do we get ON a plane, a bus or a train? Wouldn't it be better to get IN them? After all, we get IN a car.
If jail and prison are essentially synonyms, why are jailer and prisoner antonyms?

I am sure there are more.

[Gaybutton]

I am sure there are more.

He had plenty more and yes, those are definitely from George Carlin . . .

[thaiworthy]

I think this could be credited to Carlin. I have never forgotten it since it seems to occur to me daily.

"Why is that people driving slower than you are idiots and people driving faster than you are crazy?"